your opinion on politeness
Hey all
I have just come home from work where I have to admit it was the most tiring, draining and infuriating 4 hours of my life. I kid you not!! So if you don't know already I work in Supervalue part time while still at college. I actually love working there and the people are great and it boosts my confidence so much. But in the past two years I have noticed that the customers, not all of them but alot of them are so so so unbelievably rude. I used to think it was me thinking like this because of the condition but now I know everybody in work feels exactly like me. I mean seriously is it that hard to say hello, please and thankyou. A customer will bite my head off if Im not up to their standards of politeness so why do they think they don't have to be polite in return. It really makes me angry, no correction, my blood boil.
I know in these 'recessionary'times people are finding the going tough, but you know what everybody is in the same boat. An odd smile here and there, a thankyou can actually make somebody feel better. I know that when Im walking down the street, an old person loves nothing more than for you to say hello, even just give them a smile, an acknowledgement that they exist in this world. It is not hard and in fact I feel so much better about myself when I do it. I know when I was in France it was the norm to be quiet, keep yourself to yourself, but in Ireland we are known for being chatty, warm, outgoing and PLEASANT. But know, I aint seeing none of it nowadays. Where are the Irish people gone that I used to feel proud of and boast about when I was in France?
Does anybody else have an opinion on this. Im interested to find out, because maybe Im just being gullible, expecting too much from people nowadays but isnt the day so much nicer when we are all polite to each other?? I will say it again, I know it is not everyone, but alot that I meet in the street and in work.
amanda xxx
Oops Amanda
i think I'm sometimes one of those grumpy ones, head stuck in my woes!! Sooorrry, will make an effort!!
kiz
Kiz, I so admire your honesty,
I was for a long time member of a “head down club” , did not even realise that. One day somebody asked me” How’s the business ?” and i answer them “ That is non of your business” Felt guilty for a long time. Took me while to realise that connecting with people is part of recovery and I am the one who benefits so much out of it.
Thank you Kiz
M
Hi Amanda,
I definitely do not think you are alone in this.
Only today I had a rather rude encounter - different situation but I was genuinely surprised (and amused) by what happened. I was leaving a shop today and as I stepped outside the doors I heard someone voicing what sounded like a request for directions. I had a look around, I could see four other people none looking at me so I assumed the request had been directed at someone else. It turns out I was wrong, the man asked me again but not once during the interaction did he make eye contact or say thank you. Tbh he's lucky he's not still standing on that street corner because I really genuinely thought he wasn't speaking to me, he was so very aloof :)
I was so amused by this particular level of rudeness that it didn't bother me but I know exactly what you are saying about people being polite.
I have adopted the approach of generally trying to be as polite as possible regardless of the other person's attitude. For the most part I find that if I smile, I get a smile back. And if I don't ... well, it's not my problem that's for sure - at least I'm happy ;) Generally I try to leave other peoples problems exactly where I found them - with the other person!
We can't change the whole world but at least we can always say please and thank you here :) So on that note, thank you very much for a very relevant post. I hope this does generate some discussion because I think it affects many of us on a day to day basis.
- IM
PS I also know Marie agrees with you on the saying 'hello' part - she says hello to everyone when she's out for a walk :)
hi amanda,
I know exactly how you feel...ive been working in dunnes stores over the summer holidays and some of the customers can be so unbelievably rude..either giving out to me for something thats not my fault ( like the fact that dunnes dont sell the 22c plastic bags) or just ignoring me completely. At first i got offended whenever someone was rude to me but over time ive learned to just try to brush it off...its not my problem if people choose to be rude ( and sometimes they may not even know theyre being rude)..its a reflection of them, not me. I cant choose how a customer will act but i can choose how I react to how they act towards me. So now I choose to just try and forget about it and go on being polite to the next customer.
Hope you get some nicer customers in the future :) I love getting friendly chatty customers..it always makes work so much nicer!
Oh Amanda, you do not realise how glad I am you brought this subject. I feel so strongly about the politeness, it does not cost anything and it does so much for everyone.
We could have a hello day. It could help everyone in recovery as well. It can take us out of self-consciousness and transfer us to other consciousness.
When someone says “Hello” to you - they change your state of mind, and vice versus.
One day I read “Politeness is a privilege of kings...” I forgot who said that one, but let’s all of us be all the kings today and practice politeness, it will help in recovery as well. The main reason for the rudeness is that people are full of fears, full of negativity and lacking hope and good news, we can start to work on the difference.
So, now I go for my walk with my doggie and go to say “Hello” with a big smile to everyone...
Enjoy the “Hello and Thank You Campaign”
M
Just wanted to share that this morning I have met so many polite people, the city must be in a good mood – maybe people were on Iceberg and have read Amanda’s post and joining our campaign.
Great to see that, hopefully you are meeting them too....
One smile goes long way
M
Being French, I agree with you that the french have a tendency to keep to themselves but you mainly see that in major cities like Paris, Lyon, Nice.....It is not because they choose to be rude but it is the fear of not knowing what reactions they are going to get when they express a sign of politeness-Major/big cities can be very intimidating and besides medias cultivate the fear associated with big cities.( You are reminded on the news about conflicts between minorities ...)Somehow the french brought up in big cities are thought to think that when you are polite,it is a sign of kindness therefore you are weak and an easy target. Very odd really but it is engraved in people mind-Remenber When you are brought up in a city like Paris you are brain washed from an early age to speak to noone and you become slightly paronoid that anything could go wrong if you speak up or show any signs of appreciation -It is sad really -Really sad that often people associate keeping to yourself with being safe.As a result of this , many people are seen to be rude when they are just scared to show any signs of humanity-You are so right to demand politeness and preach politeness despite anything you see- Being polite can make such a difference in your day and somebody else day- I have never left the parisian way of life affect me because i beleive in manners and showing appreciation -And every time i go back to Paris i make sure that I behave with manners and I say please and thank you as often i can- thanks again for sharing your thought on the subject because it is always nice to be reminded that please and thank you can make a difference- and as one of the reader was writing earlier on we choose the way we react to rudness and beleive me it is always very powerful to respond to rudness in a positive/Smart way like saying thank you for holding the door to somebody that did not- The confusion that you read on the person face is amazing and it says a lot about you and them.....Take care-P-
I feel that one of the downsides of the celtic tiger, as we came to know it, was that people did not have the same level of courtessy for others.
It does go two ways though. As a customer I have very often had the shop assistant call the next person to the till, before I have even had a chance to put my change in my wallet - fair enough if I had been packing my bags, as different people have different speeds etc, but from a security point of view I like to be able to have my wallet back in my handbag before the next person is called.
Having worked in customer service based jobs, have seen the other side too. When I worked in a call centre I used to get such a kick out of saying to someone, especially if they had been disrespectful, grumpy etc towards me "if you have any further queries my name is x, and hope you have a pleasant day". Even though it didn't necessarily change the situation, I got a kick out of it, as I was being pleasant even if it wasn't reciprocated.
People's lack of courtessy can be good practice for putting skills learned in recovery into practice. For instance, I was putting my PIN number into the machine at the till recently, when paying by laser, and this guy was looking over my shoulder, so asked him if he could give me personal space. I don't think he realised what he was doing, but I felt much more comfortable putting in my PIN without having someone looking over my shoulder.
I was up in Belfast a few weeks ago, and the one thing that struck me was how polite everyone up there is.
Love and light,
Mystique
Thank you for bringing this subject up Amanda & I also admire your honesty Kiz, because we've all been guilty of being in the "head down" club from time to time!
Amanda, don't give up on humanity just yet. I am 100% sure that your smile makes a difference to a lot of people without you even realising. When I was in the condition, there was a long, long time when I felt SO lonely. I'd lost all my friends, lived on my own and most conversations with my family ended in arguments, increasing my feelings of lonliness. There were days when I was walking through town, I'd take off my watch so I could stop people and ask them for the time just to have some human contact. There was a guy who worked in my local newsagent who always made the time to talk to me and it was our conversations that often got me through the day. Whether it was about the news, the weather or a new chocolate bar that had come into the shop that he'd tried, he always made me laugh and I will forever be grateful for those few minutes every day. You see the smallest acts of kindness are often the most profound and long-lasting and you're right Amanda, being kind to someone else can have a huge affect on your own mood.
So, give someone a smile on the bus, say hello to the next person who passes you today and see what happens!
C *smiling*
i completely agre with all this the ays i feel like crap and someone takes 5 mins to be nice to me makes me realise that no i want to part of life and helps pull me out of my head. like when im having my sneaky smoke and my neighbour stops to chat to make sure im ok, i must look totally confused and lost all the time ha or random ppl on buses or shops, either they are lonley too or i have one dem familiar faces that says come over and chat to me ha i unno but i do know ppl been rude and not caring etc can drag you down and is just horrible esp ppl that you know and think care, an then brush it off as if your expected to take it an get over it. i take kindness any day.
There's a group on facebook called "I work in retail & so have lost all faith in humanity" haha -most of my colleagues have joined it - i didn't because i'm friends with a lot of customers.
I feel the rudeness has got completely out of control lately. I experience a lot of disgruntled, demanding customers who treat you like you're not a person & just there to serve them IMMEDIATELY.
I find people are more likely to be rude when they think they're anonymous. I've worked in retail since I was 9yrs (no laws back then) & in the country pple are so polite & inquisitive - then in the town pple don't recognise me & act extremely rude.
I normally win them over in the end - no matter how unreasonable their complaint is I always give the impression I'm agreeing with them & I act like I am stupid when it comes to rude customers (I just pretend I don't notice it). One woman told me I was "a lazy little THING" when I didn't have time to pick up every individual item of her shopping for her becuase I was supposed to be covering the tills haha.. it was so funny how mad she was- obviously she was the one who was too lazy to pick up her own shopping like all the other customers.
What does annoy me is how little people care about you in general when they're giving a service. i go to a laser centre & one girl there acts like it's a total inconvenience to her when I come in for my appointment - she sulks, cuts my time & acts insanely bored.
I feel like saying "Oh excuse me for showing up, but when I made the appointment & you agreed to take me, I presumed the time suited you - but if you don't wana be here I can do another time - btw I don't like being your dart board for you to throw all your frustrations & woes upon which I really just don't care about right now during my 20min apt - we all have issues suck it up & do your job"
Just recently she burned a hole in my face with the laser & when I rang up to talk about it - they said *BIG SIGH* "Oh well I suppse we could take a look at that" - it's just ridiculous hw many rude, inconsiderate people with no social intelligence & no respect for pple are working in the services sector.
I really think people don't know how to compartmentalise & put their worries in a box separate from their job. I'm an increasingly shocked how little pride pple have in their businesses & I've expereinced this accross the board: bus drivers, airline companies, shop assistants, beauty salons.
I really think such pple need to grow up & stop letting themselves down with this disrespectful behaviour - it's never appreicated & pple are never going to feel good about themselves behaving like that. What you give out, you get back
Even the parrot is joining our “Hello & Thank You Campaign”
Haha, I love the parrot. It reminds me of the time I went to go get my dog at the dogs home, there was a parrot opposite my dogs pen and it would tell you to f***k off any time a person went up to him. Ha just thinking how that relates in with politeness.
Ah I started this because I had a crazy brainwave. I would LOVE to start a facebook page for our hello and thankyou campaign. I know it would never happen but it just came to my head while lying here in bed.
with love
amanda xxx
Hey Amanda,
I think this is a great idea! I'm up for giving it a go . . . I think it's totally worthwhile and sure we can only try :)
I'm happy to set it up as an Iceberg page or if you want to set it up, I'll add a link to it here on Iceberg.
- IM
-IM
I think I will let you set it up as an Iceberg Page, Im none too nifty with technology. It hates me, we are allergic to each other. I wouldnt even know where to start.
Thanks for making me realise that it wasnt a stupid idea, it was condition telling me it was stupid. Lets give it a go
much love
amanda xxx
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Thanks for all the feedback, I would love some more. So Im off to the credit union with my doggie too and my 'hello' campaign starts now. Marie, being polite makes me feel so much better too. Thankyou for explaining why people are rude, I never thought of it that way.
'hello everybody, thankyou everybody'