Where would I be without Iceberg and Recovery?

This morning as I was drying my hair in the mirror and calming myself I thought 'God what would I have done if I hadn't discovered Marino' and all that it entails. You see I was literally bricking it this morning - the job I applied for way back in November is still ongoing and today I started a week's 'trial.' I was bricking it. Negative thoughts about life and me creating their own little play ground in my head. I had my porrige, made an affirmation, recovery or no recovery the nerves are always going to be there, the mind going to be thinking. But it's how I handled it. I totally accepted I was 'sh*tting' it. On the way in on the DART I wrote a little note to myself on the iPhone - about how I was bricking it BUT also about how I was well able to manage because I've managed many other daunting tasks in life before - I was reminding myself of all the things I've faced and overcome before. It worked - now I was the Dalai Lama if serenity approaching the office but I was as calm and collected as I could be and after a spray of rescue remedy I was feeling alright.

The day went swimmingly - and I really felt in the 'right' job for me. Before I may have even come across as unprofessional with nerves and all the things I thought I 'should' be - today I listened, did what was asked, took initiative and got on with things - I was even myself.

I remember another time way back where I was attacked with panic and literally couldn't get my head straight - I was literally powerless to this zoo of a mind. Now again I'm not saying I was serene today but far from the mania, paranoia and fear I experienced before.

On Sunday I had flirted with not going - but told myself 'how will you ever move if you stay in your comfort zone?'

All the affirmations in all the galaxies don't fix you - they're like the lubricating ointment - it's the fear facing, the action, the going through things that's the only way out. Affirmations are our friends, our aids but our feet carry us to the challenge - our action and courage that get us over it.

On an absolute aside note - my Mum is a country woman in her early 60s with no technological know how - works with people and not at a machine - in the last while she's totally changed - she plays bridge and is way better at it than my mathematical Dad, plays golf every weekend, went trekking in Peru and tonight just sent me a text message, 3 actually, from her new IPHONE!!!!!!!!!! What a legend - teaching herself how to use an iPhone as opposed to running scared or not touching it at all. Amazzzzzzing.

I believe recovery doesn't appear over night and sometimes you are gung ho with your notebooks and quotes and photography, other times you're less motivated or going at a slower pace. The last while I really feel I'm the tortoise and not the recovery hare but that's just me at different stages BUT I just keep keep at it. Even if it's slow - slow and steady wins the race. Sometimes recovery is about patience. Patiently waiting for patience. Sometimes it's flooded with gushing realisations. Other times you're so eager to propel yourself to full freedom and beyond and others you're just bobbing along the waves but still there. It's a funny process and really different for everyone but I think of a quote Saoirse put up once - the magic or power of a postage stamp is it's ability to stick and stay at it till it gets its job done.

Sometimes the fireworks of recovery fade and you're embracing the cloudy sky but ultimately if you just keep at it lull or tsunami you get there.

For me it's not fireworks anymore but I stick at it I go to sessions, keep at it sometimes totally in spite of myself. And I'll keep at it until i have my two wings fully functional and am in full flight ( still overcoming turbulence and trade winds mind you).

All the best Icebergers - think of the postage stamp.

Xxxx