what gets me

Hello parents and family members ( if there are any of you out there reading !)
Just a few thoughts that have been in my mind about things you do that really bug me and don't help me in my condition.
1. Too many questions, just ask as you would a normal person, how was your day and accept whatever answer you get back, could be "Crap" or "fine" or "what do you think" or whatever, but thats ok, just ask the question once and then don't react to the grunt, just say for example, " well I'm here if you need me " or "well I know you're in good hands and are going to get there, just keep going, if I could do it for you I would ". I know I need to be more sensitive to you at the receiving end and address my response to your polite enquiry, but there are times when the negativity of condition really swallows me up and it takes all my wherewithall to grunt any bit of an answer.

2. Don't fuss about food. Again remember, I'm in good hands, the behaviours will improve with time and the mental work is priority. I know this is extremely difficult, to watch you loved one restrict or purge or whatever, very stressful as it is your nature to nuture, but in my case, please don't fuss, just offer whats going , no pressure, trust that I will nourish and respect my body in my own time. This is probably the hardest part for parents, but very important. The more you fuss, the more I'm inclined to retreat into behaviours.

3. Watch your language/behaviour, are you dieting, are you watching diet programs, reading diet magazine articles, are you commenting on others weight, for example , "Mary looks well, she lost weight", or "Mary would feel much better if she only lost a few pounds". This says to me that losing weight = good, losing weight = feeling better. Logically I know better, but the subconscious mind holds on to these ideas and they are very hard to let go of. Do you put your spouse on diets, do you sabotage others diets, are you a feeder, do you feel better if others are overindulging, do you cook elaborate meals and not really participate, do you talk alot about food, what about your attitude to exercise, are you very driven in this regard, is exercise about enjoyment or about achievement or body control. Do you use it as a means to escape.

4. How do you deal with upset, anger and other emotions, how do you express, are you dramatic or do you suppress, do you build up resentments then spill over, do you comfort eat, do you pour a stiff drink, do you take to the bed, do you get migraines, do you get irritable bowel or ulcers, think about it. We all have these emotions and it is from our parents we learn how to deal with them. What example to you give. My parents are a mixture of methods, one is all drama, the ice treatment, the big tears or off to bed with a migraine, all about the attention, the other parent, nothing shows, stays behind the newspaper, hides at work, gets acid indigestion, eats and drinks a bit badly, goes training.

5. What do you do when you muck up, make a mistake, get things wrong. Do you cover up, gloss over, shift blame, deflect, deny. Are you able to be honest about mistakes in life, take them on the chin, show to the world that you can make a mistake and still like yourself, that it doesn't change who you area. I know my parents are very poor in this reagrd. Apprearance and pride very important, at great cost I might add.

Anyway , just a few thoughts or frustations and things I am working on in myself but wish my parents and family members would work on for themselves.
Thanks for reading
kiz