walk the talk

Having been deeply in condition for a great many years and only in the last year or so really knuckled down to facing my reality and doing something about it, not through lack of will, just plain and simple lack of true awareness of what I was doing to my body and acceptance that my life was not a life. I thought that my family were making a big deal out of something, and I truly believed that I could stop any time I wanted, that I just liked being skinny and it was none of their business, until I actually tried and oh boy was it a whole other story.
But the real reason I wanted to post this was the whole issue of family. My parents claimed and really believed they were doing everything they could, bringing me hither and yonder to medics , dieticians and therapists, sitting back and saying nothing or hands on ensuring the mealplan was complied with. Listening to my tantrums and outbursts, forking out money, both for consults and for rewards for "good behaviour".
Looking back over all this, I realise now that my parents were as guilty of not facing reality, not truly aware of the dynamics involved and even though they may have thrown alot of money at the problem, they never did what I really needed them to do. What I needed from them was for them to look at themselves, in a brutally open and honest way, look at themselves, how they behave, what they value, how they interact with others , how they deal with their emotions and above all for me, I needed them to let down their guard and really share themselves with me, share themselves on a very human and honest level, show me their human weaknesses and flaws or at least show me how to deal with human weakness and emotions in a real way. That feeling emotions , expressing emotions was okay, that it was safe to do so in the security of loved ones and show me how to comfort and reassure myself without resorting to destructive behaviours. I watched my parents deny expression, sweep stuff under the carpet, build up stuff to the point of resentment such that spillover occurred, misplace emotions. I also wiitnessed a lack of taking responsibilty for self, nothing ever their fault, always someone elses, always had to be blameless and right.
So what I mean in all this is that if you want to help us in condition, spend less time looking at us and more time looking at yourselves, what can I do to improve myself. You might say , why should I , I'm not the one acting out, well quite simply, if you want to help, this would be most helpful, lead the way in self improvement, it would help me follow, if you can . Condition is hard enough to get out of and we need all hands on deck and this support is worth more than any money you can throw at condition.
kiz