Start your day with a wee laugh...
Just a few jokes to start up your morning laughing this funny Friday 11/11/11...
A MAN is standing a bar when he hears a voice coming from the peanut bowl. "I really like your tie," it says. "You're smashing, you are. You're really lovely." Surprised, the man picks up his drink, and walks to his table. Passing the cigarette machine, he hears another voice. "You and your wife are ugly, fat and stupid," the voice says.The man is baffled and asks the barman what is going on.
"I'm so sorry," says the barman. "The peanuts are complimentary but the cigarette machine is out of order."
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know That *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm Finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax.
And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The fecking funeral director," said his wife.
Ohh Robin, what a great idea, this weekend we can laugh the condition away (if the rain is not going to wash it out)
Laugh is the best weapon for the condition.
Did you ever so anybody having really good laugh and be in the middle of ED behaviours? Let’s not over do it with the imagination☺ But laugh always make everything easier…
Wanted to go to the cinema, but lashing rain, so Iceberg is my next best option :) - do not laugh, not joke :) - your funny story improved the day.
Hopefully we can have some great selection from all the Icebergs
Let’s have a laughing weekend…
M
Doctor, you were right when you said you’d have me on my feet and walking in no time.
That’s good John; when did you start walking?
When I got your bill doctor, I had to sell my car to pay it.
A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPILS: A teacher.
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A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote Australian pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW 535i advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd,
"If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, " Sure, Why not. "
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Telstra mobile phone. He surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, " You have exactly 1586 sheep. "
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." says the shepherd.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man,, " Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give back my animal?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, " Okay, why not?"
"You're a consultant."says the shepherd
"Wow! That's correct,"says the yuppie."but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required."answered the shepherd. "" You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap about my business. Now give me back my dog.
~~ "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...it became a butterfly..." ~~