REPLY TO AMANDA

ORIGINALLY A REPLY TO AMANDA WAY TOO LONG I DO TEND TO RANT

Dearest amanda
wud u look at u glossing over all u HAVE ACHIEVED. valueing honesty openess strength and self care!!
this is like wu hhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooo important and a big shift i bet.
for me i found "tackling" body image issues just too much focus on the actual problem rather than the solution dor me i dont get "fat attacks" but i get this intense urge to restrict randomly nothing to do with weight just to feel in control or when i am anxious ... so as robin says during these moments i pause and go HALT ITS ALWAYS 1 OF THE ABOVE FOR ME A STANDS FOR ANXIOUS and its usually anxiety over a change in schedule / ie life getting in the way ha! and t t t tieredness is my biggest trigger in the entire universe i cannot think straight when i am tiered i cannot see past what is in front of me and cannot look past the moment well i cud not i can now cuz i just go oh poor little petal bed early tonigh my bestest tri try dont u worry i will take care of ur needs ed will not lots of gentle encouragement
and then rather than try and tackle anything or change body image issues
focus on the values u r building own them posess them feel them in the pit of uir stomach
u value honesty what does that mean . for me it means truth in my word actions and thoughts i do not lie to myself or others 10 years of ed lies eroded my soul and i lost all connection to my inner being so i maintain my honesty with integrity (intrgrity is another value0 i value integrity standing up for who u r what u believe in having continuity in how u treat others and u treat ur self. wud u tell ur best friend she needs to be thin to be accepted to be good enough to be herself no feckin way u accept her as she is warts n all
but real integrity and truth in life will help u in every challenge u r faced with. do u want the sick miserable mind that in ur case comes with that body!!! every1 is different i have toes that are as long as fingers that grose me out but i love them its our peculiarities and authenticities that make us who we are the universe created ur boody as it is and when u love and accept it it will be beautiful its most beautiful at its natural weight and if u trust it it will trust u thats what i tell myself everyday
i value fun r u getting enough fun in ur life to take the focus off ed??
valuing self care this is my favourite value in the world but what is self care for u is it opening up to a confidant? is it doing ur nmails? is it ggirly nights sleep ins body moisturises?? get specific focus on them work them out in detail so that u know what they mean to u not just oh i value self care but this is what i stand for i respect myself i value my time my emotional well being my physical well being.
for me without self care at the moment i am useless to myself and others i had 2 weeks of sleep distubance anxiety and shoving self care on the shelf and dear god my poor patients/ family/ self i was a mass of hysteria and irritability for me self care isnt a luxury that i need to log up a certain amount of work to justify it its a necessity like sleep like food like water. wud u tell another person dont drink any water there until u have done x yz and worked and then ill decide if tonight r u worthy enough to have a glass of water??? same thing in recovery and all thru life self care is a necessity not a luxury once it goes other areas really are affected and awhen u r happy and in ur own working on urself aligning with who u r then u r the best u canm be for all else...
what i am trying to get at here in a round about way is take the focus off changing any negativve values and just focus on the positive values get deadly specific about it an the others will dwindle by the way side as u focus more on the good ones what u focus on will grow stronger in ur life.
lets have fun get curious ur values are unique to you
i value trust
i value heakth
i value children
i value feminism but not in a men are bad kind of way but i value supporting women never taking another woman down
i value family and for me they are more important than words can express
i value friendships
i value self respect
i value glee and musicals cuz they make me feel good
i value my i phone hehe cuz i can go on iceberg roughly 50 times a day and ebeen when i think i am just going on for the sake of going on some how even in my negative days things are filtering into my subconscious!!
i value science and medicine
i value my job because it makes me happy (except this morning when i wud have prefered my bed)
i value my bed!!!
i value massages
i value my mum she is the most amazing person in the entire universe it actually pains my heart i have never ever seen her say a bad word about any1 and even in the depths of anxiety and loads going on shes happy she is a wonderful role model she takes such good care of herself she has a bath everyday afte work always has her favourite foods always makes time for herself while also being a gp the best mum ever a golf expert a mountain climber and the biggest downtown abbey/ emma/pride and prejudice fan ever she is far from perfect but she is great
i value my fertility
i value nature i gotta start using my sense more...
see there i go ranting away for a while but u see
when u get specific and really focus on ur values and life u wont have time to focus on the other yuk yuk ones and THEY WILL DISSIPATE
XXX WITH LOVE
I HOPE THIS MADE SENSE
FOR EVER ON UR SIDE AS U MARCH TO GLORIOUS VICTORY
CAITRIONA