Relationships
Hello to all you freedom fighters out there!
Ive recently had a realisation that i thought id share with you all. Ive just become aware of the extent of how our thinking can hugely affect our relationships with others, family, friends and loved ones.
Basically, i have been living in Sydney for almost ten months now. I left Dublin at a stage when i was well on my way in my recovery yet aware of issues that still needed work. My parents came over to visit me recently and i was genuinely taken aback at how my relationship with my mam has changed.I truly feel this improvement is down to my heightened awareness and positive thinking. In the early stages of my recovery i found it difficult to relate to my mam, the ed had convinced me to look at my own mother in a negative light. i became totally detatched from her. I was angry and irritable with her because she didnt understand and was in denial about what i was going through. Things slowly got better in our relationship as my own understanding of ed improved but i genuinely wasnt prepared for this transformation. its as if someone has just taken blindfolds off me. i now see my mother for what she really is, not what the ed had convinced me of. "i can see clearly now the rain has gone." She is one of the most warm caring and loving women i think ill ever meet. She always tries to see the good in people and never has a bad word to say about anybody. I feel both proud and grateful that shes my mammy yet im also a little annoyed at myself for allowing this to happen. But i choose to let go of that and thank god that i have this important relationship back in my life. I also had similar experiences with my boyfriend in the early days that almost cost me the relationship. I suppose we really need to keep questioning every single thought in our mind....is it true? where is the evidence? because we have a lot to lose if we dont...
keep up the great work icebergers
katexxx
Kate, thank you for your story...
this is beautiful, and I can honestly say, my relationship to my parents has changed 180 degrees as well with my recovery...
It is fascinating to see that, and really weird to look back at the horrendous and wild times we had when I was young.
There was a lot of hurt and things were not right...and of course I blamed these circumstances for years and years and years to be the reason why I was incapable to live...
So many things have changed, I have had many years living away from my family, I have moved to another country...and with the distance, and with recovery, and the realisation that blaming and keeping myself in the victim mode and 'poor me' was never ever going to move me anywhere other than towards desperation, our relationship changed a little bit.
But only now, since I recovered fully, has the whole relationship turned around completely.
I can feel compassion for my parents and have caring thoughts about them. My heart feels warm when i talk about them. I don't take everything personally any more, I recognise the changes they have made in their lives and am proud of them for it. I feel sad at times that I have missed out on so many years of parent-daughter relationship due to condition and troubled minds, but at least I won't let anything get between us any more now.
I really and truly love them. I feel level with them, not better or worse, no, we are equals....and that's nice.
Relationships do change when reaching full freedom...
Love,
xxx Robin xxx
Kate, thanks.
I am at a stage in recovery where there are moments when there is a little chink of light in my relationship with my mother. But there is a lot more than just my ED complicating matters. I feel sad about our relationship - she is my mother and I her daughter, we love each other yet too often it feels like at the moment we are not good for each other. So we rarely see each other.
But your post has given me hope that someday things could be different. Maybe the little chinks and moments we have now are what our relationship could someday be?
So thanks for the hope.
This is such an important discussion Elmo - thank you for highlighting and sharing you raise a lot of points that are important to think about. The condition thinking definitely led me to lose more than one important person from my life simply because I could not trust and I did not know how to receive love. The condition led me to keep testing and testing and no proof wAs ever enough. I didn't know how to accept good things into my life or believe I deserved them without over and over analysing. and that is just not fair on the other person... No one is a saint and no one is perfect. Some lessons are only learned the hard ways but I hope that sharing my experience might make other ice.bergers challenge condition and learn from my mistakes ....
For relationships to work you do not have to be perfect - but before you criticise the other person it is a good idea to see if you can at least sit in the same room - with yourself !!!! In the end it is simple - trust love And trust life and be open to be surprised!
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Dr Sinead O'DeaMB BCH NUI, DCH, MICGP |
Nirvana Therapy CentrePsychotherapy and counselling practice, with specialist experience in recovery from eating distress and eating disorders. |
EDHope IrelandEating Disorder HopeTM offers information, treatment options, recovery tools and resources to those suffering from eating disorders, their treatment providers and loved ones.http://www.eatingdisorderhope.com |