Prioritise you!

Hi Lovelies!

Throughout my recovery, I became more and more aware of certain reactions, beliefs and values that had been (not handed down to me) but taken up by my sensitive self from a central personality in my life. I remember mentioning concerns about this, and the person to various therapists at different times along my journey and rarely receiving much focus on it. The fact of the matter was that I was attending Marino, not them. I had faced my problem, not them. I was chasing recovery, not them. I yearned to be free, and the more that I focused on the unhealthy influences in life, the less possible that goal became. But doing things MY way was so far from my reality. Creating certain opinions that were my own was something I was gradually testing the waters with, but BELIEVING them was something completely different! Prioritising myself was a thing that I didn’t know how to do, nor, if I’m honest, wanted to do. To me prioritising myself meant that I would be selfish, greedy, inconsiderate, backstabbing, that I would start cutting through people for a shortcut........none of these I valued, none I saw as helpful or admirable or in any way nice. Gradually, I (with the help of many more rational and less involved people) began to look at the concept of prioritising differently. What if, prioritising myself merely opened the gates for others to do the same. Moment......(in M’s tone!)--- what if everyone else already WAS prioritising themselves?
To my surprise, once I became open to this possibility I began to notice it more an more. People do say NO, people do give themselves a break, believe they deserve better at times, own their own opinions, get on with their own lives, and live the one they want to. The difference between these people and me was that they didn’t feel the need to DEFEND every single action they carried out and they didn’t feel the guilt that I would feel after. It’s not a bad thing that people get on with their own lives..........it’s just the way its meant to be! We don’t need to upset other people in the process, and usually if we do that’s their reaction, which they are responsible for-not us! What if prioritising myself meant that I was infact being the best me that I could be................and then presenting that to others. Surely that benefits people in the process?

Sorry- I’m gone a bit off the point here, but I suppose the whole “prioritising you and your recovery” is a broad theme and an ESSENTIAL one so had ta be said :o)>

Anyways, at some point, I made the subconscious decision to ignore the negative presence in my life. Be they the magazines, the TV adverts and particularly the said personality in my life. I dropped the jesus syndrome.(that Marie refers to—the need to save everyone but yourself) I suppose in some ways- I entered into a wee bit of strategic denial, but I had ONE goal, and this particular piece of awareness was not serving it! I stopped questioning whether I deserved recovery or not and magnified THIS GOAL! Focusing on other peoples behaviours or attitudes actually does nobody any good, not you, not them, not the people around you and certainly not the recovery cause. Focusing on them and chasing freedom is like trying to mix oil with water—they’re incompatible, they’re never gonna happen, and it’s a downright fecking pointless task to try an undertake!! Somehow (and it defo wasn’t easy) I got on with my own cause, and starting fighting my own corner, started standing up for myself, started challenging my old knee-jerk reactions to the daily comments/behaviours/(and at times) manipulations of others. Eventually, I started to form my own opinions, make my own choices and stopped apologising for them. I began to understand that while I may have been somewhat conditioned by others into ways of thinking, behaving etc..... I had also conditioned them into certain ways of treating me, and having certain assumptions and expectations of me etc....... this would take time for both me, and them to get used to. But it did......and it got easier and easier, and every time it was challenged, I added to my bullet proof armour, I became more and more resilient to all the negative influences that seemed at the time to be EVERYWHERE!

See we are the only ones who are with us every hour of every day from the moment we enter this beautiful life till the moment we leave it........................we are our only constant in life. It’s so much easier when we realise that we can only ever be responsible for ourselves, for our choices, our reactions, are beliefs, opinions and attitudes. We can, eventually learn to ALWAYS count on ourselves.

I’m not sure that this made any sense to anyone, but I suppose the main point I’m trying to get across is that it is my opinion that far from being self centred and selfish, prioritising ourselves is for the Greater good, one that, through benefitting ourselves-touches off many others in the process. The best gift that you can give to yourself, to others and to the world is to be the BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE, and ENJOY being that person. You do no favours to anyone by focusing on or facilitating unhealthy attitudes and influences, overriding your own needs to please others/not offend anyone.
Freedom comes when you start listening to YOU, your needs, your wants, your hopes, your desire, and your future visions. Make the choice to let others live their lives while you live yours! Theres a saying that says something along the lines of “One that is falling can’t help one that is down,” so should you want to save the world or change the world etc ya can still attempt it, when you’re standing tall, strong, confident and proud of you, when you’re FREEEEEEE!

Think I’ll stop at that, the more I waffle the more I seem to be loosing clarity. Thanks for reading y’all.

Prioritise you --You’re worth it.

Love, hugs and hope
Anon