A Post sparked by Michelle's v interesting post and its very interesting replies!

Wow, I just read Michelle's post 'a little sad'; what a brilliant post and what interesting replies! I'm glad I read it. It's so reassuring to know that a lot of people, like me, are in their late 20s, and are feeling the same insecurities about money, stability, the future (very normal worries I'm sure for our age group in this recession!)- but we have that special 'extra' of probably having spent a few years in not the most constructive manner:) - and so we have the feeling of being 'behind' in some way.

I loved the insights about doing what feels right, rather than what feels normal.
For the last 18 months, I haven't had the energy and excitement I usually have for life: I don't feel like getting into a relationship, I'm not in the mood for travel, I'm living on my own, I'm still studying and I have an abundance of free time. And I was really criticizing myself for all this. The famous 'I should be doing X,Y,Z' reared its noisy head. But realistically speaking I am exactly where I need to be. A friend posted a picture on Facebook today that I felt summed up everything for me: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=318833174821455&set=a.15372365799...

The caption is 'Success: It's not always what you see.'

I had gone into the mindset of equating success with outward things, rather than seeing it as doing some inner 'clearing' work that is very necessary for me to do now if I want to live my life the way I want! If I'm going to really get to the place of strength, where I sift through all the stuff that life throws up, and only choose what I want, to be the active one calling all the shots, rather than the passive one gathering up everything that life presents, with this fear of 'missing out', then I need to just keep doing what I'm doing. Taking it slowly, having patience, weighing up the pros and cons of things before jumping in.

I remember five or six years ago I was in a relationship. I was recovered at the time, but not at the stage yet where I could be very discerning about who I would get into relationships with. I was with a guy who really did not make me feel good about myself. One night I had a dream that he was filming me interacting with his friends. Then later we watched the film together, and he had zoned in on all the moments that captured me looking insecure and vulnerable, and it was very painful having to watch through them with him. I suppose the feeling was one of having my vulnerability completely exposed.

The reason that pops into my head now is because for most of my life I think I've been acting in someone else's film. I haven't been in the director's role yet. Now I'm starting to have all the tools at my ready. I've learned lots of lessons, and only now I'm seeing how I can benefit from them - to see how not to repeat past mistakes. It's very exciting, but not at all exciting in the way my life used to be - in the way of being carried off in one direction and then another by external factors.
I suppose to sum up everything: my life is looking boring at the moment, externally, but that's necessary because I'm doing a lot re-ordering internally!