For parents/partners/families at christmas

To all the lovely ICEBERG parents, family members and carers!

“T’is the season to be jolly”

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year”

“Well I wish it could be Christmas everyday”

“It's Christmastime, There's no need to be afraid,
At Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade”

Everywhere we go, words of the wonderfulness of Christmas, and the way we ‘should’ feel prevails. There is no denying that Christmas is for many people, all of the above. But for those that already struggle with day to day life, it can be the extreme opposite of wonderful. For so many years, the anxieties I formed associated with Christmas completely paralysed me. There was not an ounce of excitement that would pass through my bones, just the absolute fear of god about all that it meant.........

Unstructured days, unplanned visits from relatives, planned visits from relatives, a meal plan I had no control of, shopping to feed an army for a month, Pringles and Roses everywhere, 24 hours with the family and no escape for a day, choosing ‘the perfect’ presents, guilt and shame that another year had gone by, pressure from relatives to ‘not have ED for one day’, sitting around all day..........etc.... the list is endless!

Happily, for the last two years, I have been like my 6 year old self again, counting down the days, hours and minutes till Santa hits the roof tops and Christmas can get started! The thoughts, feelings and emotion around Christmas have completely changed. Many of the above still stand, but that’s why I love Christmas, not fear it!
So anyways, I just thought that I would share a few things that may be helpful for the person suffering with ED at Christmas, and ultimately the whole family.

• As best you can, keep some sort of structure to the day, and if not, then at least inform them what the main plans are.

• Do not suggest that they just ‘forget the ED’, or ‘ignore the ED’......Believe me, it is probably the thing they are working hardest on all day, if they can at all-they will, and they’re putting enough pressure on themselves!

• If there are only 5 people in the house, put out enough food for 5 people, not enough to feed the whole neighbourhood, should they decide to call in the middle of crimbo day ;o)

• Regrets are no use to anyone, and serve no purpose on a Christmas day. Recalling events from the previous year that ‘could have been so much more enjoyable’ only makes the Christmas event less enjoyable.

• Try to be sensitive to challenges or difficulties that the person may face, which may not be obvious. Being honest, there was nothing about Christmas day that I found easy. I’m not saying you have to follow them around or constantly ask them if they are ok? But a bit of compassion can make all the difference.

• If you are serving them dinner, serve up no more or no less than any other day to them. Despite the fact that everyone else will be gradually creating mount Everest on their plate. Don’t pressure them to just ‘one more spud’, or ‘a wee bit more turkey’. Today is not the day for new challenges!

• Never Ever forget, that the current situation is temporary. It may be difficult to hang on to hope all the time, but you son/daughter/partner/sister/brother WILL RECOVER, and will enjoy Christmas again someday.

• Remember, whatever they don’t feel able to challenge, or enjoy, don’t despair. They just can’t YET!

• If there are kids in the house, hone in on them! Christmas belongs more to them than anyone, and watching them and tapping into their emotions, can help everyone forget their difficulties, if only for a couple of mins.

• Give everyone in the house equal attention.

• An unrequested hug, somewhere in the day can mean the world.

• Don’t expect that they can ‘snap out of it’ if they are in bad form, they can try...........and that’s all they can do.

• Look after yourself as well, if the sufferer is down, don’t you buy into it too. Remember we are all responsible for our own attitude, reactions and responses to situations. Enjoy your day for what it means to you, do what you want ta do, feel how you want to feel!

• Despite what the Christmas cards and advertisements would suggest every family in the country is NOT getting on blissfully well, laughing, joking, toasting mallows on the fire. It’s natural to have disagreements or tensions on occasions, but they too shall pass, don’t give them anymore energy than they deserve!

• Line yourself up with a treat after crimbo, whatever that may be for you....a massage, lunch with a friend, drinks in a fancy hotel, a new hairdo. Don’t forget how special you are this season!

• Give yourself a massive pat on the back for seeing yourself, your family and the sufferer through the year. It may have been difficult, it may have been painful, and it may still be. But you have each other, you have life, and hopefully you have HOPE and BELIEF.

• MOST OF ALL, BELIEVE THAT THINGS CAN ONLT GET BETTER, and that whether this Christmas appears disastrous of successful in terms of the persons condition, there will come a day when it will occupy no place in your home.

I found this quote earlier and it really sums up all of the above it one line (sorry for wasting your time, heehee!)

“Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas”. ~Peg Bracken

Those ingredients, mixed with hope, belief and trust in a better 2011 are the greatest gifts you can give, not only to the sufferer, but to yourself and your family as well. I never thought I’d recover, but I have, I never thought I’d enjoy Christmas, but I really really do!

Things can only get better :o)

Thank you so much for reading this, and for joining the freedom fight on ICEBERG, I really admire the parental involvement in here !

“None of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful”l. Mother Teresa

“The strength of the team is each individual member...the strength of each member is the team”.

Wishing you all a very merry Christmas, and best wishes for a happy and healthy New Year