To Parents

I wanted to share a few tips with you that helped me when I was in the condition. I am now recovered, but in the beginning of my journey to freedom, my mother became a huge part, she kept me alive emotionally, spiritually and at times physically. I never left my mothers side until I began the process of recovery, I was co dependant on her, and when I entered recovery, she dropped everything and became my other half at times. I didnt know who I was, I had no one, I believed in nothing, I saw no hope. But she never questioned that full recovery didnt exist. She believed that I would recover, she believed that I was a good person and worth more that ED. She gave me hope when I saw nothing. She picked me up, she stood by me. On reflection I was very lucky, my mother was one of a kind. She was always there, unconditionally supporting me, never questioning, never second guessing. So here are my tips that got us wher we are today:

. Firstly, she looked herself, she had great self care, so she was able to help me. Even if it was for half hour ever day, she did something for herself, it is important to take care of yourself first, only then can you take care of someone else. She told me only after I recovered that she would go for a walk or take time on her own to watch tv, or ring her sister, her time. She said thats all she needed at the time but she recognised that she needed a little time every day to herself to allow herself to clear and ground herself.

. No matter what, my mother never questioned full recovery. She believed and trusted in the Marino and she kept regular contact with them, asking for support, what could she do to help me. She never questioned that they didnt know. She unconditionally supported me and believed and trusted in the Marino, more than I ever did.

. She gave me hope, she believed in me and in recovery when I didnt but I started to get my belief from her, I held on to her belief at times and that got me out of some challenges.

. She always got me out, we saw so many things, so much of nature, she got me out to see things, to be out, to experience, to get me out of the condtion.

. She never saw me as my ED. She saw Heather. She could seperated ED behaviour from me and so she never judged me.

. She never lost her temper, how I dont know, but not once, she stood there, she unconditionlly supported me, she knew that that person was not Heather and so she knew not to loose her temper, however challening this may have been.

. She choose life rather than theory, she choose to read about life than all the books and theories about ED.

. She never pushed me with nutrtion, that she trust in the Marino about.

My mother and I, out relationship has changed through my recovery. She has become a stronger person, she and I now have a heathly relationship, not one co dependant on the other. She has learned too what life is, what her values are and what really is important to her. She let go of alot of hurt and recognizes that its not her fault, because I think its only natural that ever mother blames themselves. Its no ones fault, its just learning, and my mother now recongizes how strong we both are, how it is not her fault. She has learnt to be assertive in herself, live by her dreams and now she has a very full life. My mother appreciates the simple pleasrues in life, she has few needs and apprecfiates life.

My mother had no one to turn to when I was in recovery, but she was strong, she got through it. We both went throught ED each in our own way. I am sure it was not easy at times, but she got though it and she believes everything is for a reason. She has no regret..

ED is challening for the family too, I know this as a post sufferer but it can be the best thing too..

So for any parent out there who feels hopeless, you have hope, you have the Marino, you have this website to ask for help, to share some tips, to see the results.

Hang in there, never give up, know that its not your fault and know with the right choices recovery is possible, more than possible.

My mother went through the process too, it was very challenging for her at the time. But she stood by me unconditionally supporting me, seeing the good, choosing life. She believed in me when I didnt.

And I will end now by saying my mothers favourite quote, we are not holy but she always says "God never closes a door when he opens a window" and this philosophy I have carried me in all areas of my life. I will always be ok.

Namaste
Heather