Obsessing

Hi there
I've recently woken up to a pattern/behaviour that has been keeping me a bit stuck in condition, perhaps it is relevant to others. I've noticed recently how much headspace I give to obsessing about another person, when I was younger it was my mother, now its my partner but it's usually whoever I'm with most, so that would be friends or others at different times. I would spend alot of time monitoring their emotions, reacting to them, trying to fix them, protect them, appease them, mind reading, meddling basically. I would also monitor their level of activity/rest/nutrition/productivity and gauge my own off this.
Exhausting right, you said it! I had at some point made it my responsibility to mind those close to me, but I was really suffocating them and inhibiting their own growth. It was for me another behaviour.
So this week, my awareness in this area is in sharp focus, each time I notice myself heading that direction, I catch the thought, smash it in my mind and ask myself, who gave you the job of doing that ? is this really your business? be honest, is this really good for recovery? I don't be long stopping in my tracks.
Low and behold, I'm left with this vast empty space in my mind! It's great. What a weight has been lifted. I instantly feel the tension go from my heavy head. The space does not scare me, it feels great, I'm excited to see what lovely fresh stuff shows up. It feels like I've just opened the window and the lovely air is coming in to ventilate. It was pretty stale in there all these years busy counting everyone elses calories and walking on eggshells around their moods. Now that I'm working on this, I realise how much of of it I've been doing, I could be ruminating all day, what a waste when I could have been daydreaming about handbags!!
Anyway, I'm really excited at this, it's like I've just woken up to how key it is to releasing myself from conditions hold. I knew for a long time I did it, but wasn't really admitting to myself the extent of it or how much power it had over me and other behaviours. By paying attention to when this is happening, stopping it in its tracks, I detach myself in a healthy way, leaving them be responsible for themselves and equally I take responsibilty for myself. Bringing my focus back to myself , mental clearing of unhelpful obsessing, curiosity about what will fill the gaps , plenty of little risks and overall trust and perseverence. It's starting to come together for me at last.
kiz