No regrets Just learnings part 2!

Thank you hunny i so needed this today. i have missed out on more and this weekend used condition to not go to my friends bday and felt so guilty. like the worst friend ever another thing to ad to the list. i think the big things i miss too but also the small like:
- icecream on sunny day
- girlie nights in with munchies and dvd
- dvds
- my long hair
- my smile
- conversations with firends, i realised i was so self centred that i actually dont know them at all yet they know me!
- tea(yes i was afriad of the calories pathetic but good news its now my fav thing=))
- hobbies
- boyfriends and losing the good ones cause i dint derserve them and/or have time. and missing the good onbes when my own determination to lose weight meant i missed out on his last few months. that kills me everyday.
- lie ins
- sleep in general
- money i have spends thousands on condition in return i have to pay thousands to recover not a very fair deal!
- passions in life/a sense of me!
- never fitting in feelin like i was trapped in a bubble invisible to everyone life spinning out of control around me and blaming those arund me never condition
- debs, my 21st, all my college years i never went out lived in the gym and dont remember a thing, my grandas 80th, 7 family christmases, years of family meals to the point i amt terrified to go back to that one again, missed my sister becoming a strong independent woman, and missed my sister when she lived here
- worst off i will never be the inspiration i wanted t be to my lil sister she will never look up to me or admire like i did my older sister, never come to me for advise i will never be a real sister and its devastating
- my nanny and her memory it was too much and i used condition to forget her and the pain, i used it to wish my parents had died instead i felt like the worst person ever, like the momory is now tainted by this ed, that my rel with my parents is dead cause of me. and to rebuild that trust even if i do the cracks wills till show....
- driving
- holidays
- clothes shopping with friends , i felt fat or had to hide my arms
- lunches/dates/cinema/nights out
- i have no favourite food or restaurent
- this hit me in work they where all talking about thre 20s and thethings they did i had NOTHING to say! devo!!!!!
- ppl saw thru me i was like the walking dead no life just empty just a fragile body
- i had too many sh*t bdays in fact the months of novemver to jan i wished never existed.
- hot chocolate
- toast and tea in bed when i was feeling sick
my teeth i use to be told that i had a pearly whit amazing smile that no whitning o dentist could achieve and i have not been told that in about 3 years this is te biggiest regret i have.

But little by little i am relaiming my life:
- i text or talk to friends a lil bit more
- i go out a few times and get invited ppl want me out again
- i have life in my eyes, i can look ppl in the eyes, i am still fragile but i am healing
- i have a full time job i am struggle and its very challengign but i have a job
- i am planning on either studying nutrition or fashion maybe both hehehehe but in the mean time to do lil short courses like a massage one
- my goal nutritionaly is to do yoga its a huge motivator
- heading back to lanzarote with the dealiest ppl ever ;) migdets beware us crazy eejits are back hahaha and men beware!
- i want a better birthday!i wont spend it restrictin in the gym or crying this year, i deserve more.
- i am standing up for me to the ed and my family its not easy and i am struggling to stand my ground to both and not resort to been old ciara but i can do this
- today i want better!

thanks erica for helping me see the positive in the regret that was crushing me lately...... cant wait to learn even more in november, roll on fun sillyness learning and my blondeness be prepared missus- between the lot of us its gonna be savage!

Ciara xxx