my inner world

Happy MOnday all..

I hope u had a nice wkd. I was at the markets in dun laoigaire yesterday, think they are runjning until the 17th so i highly recommend them. There is a lovely buzzx around and lovely stalls for christmas items and yum food and mulled wine, also an ice rink. So i have decided i am going to make a little video about family and christmas, im in the process of taking pics and i remember jojo put it up how to make a film, so watch this space, im going to try put it up on stephens day.

Its taken me a while to get into chrimbo this year, you know when you just simply dont have that chrimbo feeling, but we have now decorated the house, was at a fancy dress 30th on sat night so am now feeling more in the mood.
Lately I have been feeling pretty ratty and down and i dont really know why. I know it is in my thinking, not really my self talk as i am not speaking badly to myself but more in my life and when i come home and there are too many people there i get really agitated. One thinkg that i know when i am feeling this way is to accept it, but also i need to try and change it as it is not really fair on the other person who has done nothing but chat when i get home. I think i know what is going on, and i think it is senstivity. In my work i am talking all the time, sometimes having to raise my voice to get pupils attention..when i come home i am tired, i have a million and one things going round in my head and really what i am craving is process time, which i dont think im giving myself a lot of. I know that smtg i have been diagnosed with is a root of stress, like my adrenals are overworked all the time.

I feel for this reaosn hormones etc have not returned for me, i do find it v difficult to relax, yoga of course helps me, as does breathing but oftehn im not giving myself the time or spcae to do it. My outer life looks great and it is im so happy, so blessed and so grateful, but its me, the worth that i place on myself, on rest, on caring for my self, that needs a little more work. I guess i learnt it from my dad and i see it with my older sister, who also seems to CHOOSE to lead a v busy llife. I know this is life and everyone is busy but i feel that some of what i try to fit in is very unnecessary and doesnt leave a lot of time for me to chill and take it all in.

I dunno if anyone can identify, im at a stage now that i feel in every part of my body effects of ed, of planning, of running around, i feel it especially in my thinking and energy levels, so when i come home at night and tv is on, and everyone is chatting i want nothing more than to go to room and read a book!! Maybe im just coming more into an introverted part of me which is good i guess. Any tips would be really helpful as half the time i am putting me last and oldish thghts coem bk, like planning meals, exercise etc and i dont want ot actually need them, it doesnt feel especially free...

Thanks a mil for reading,

Love Butterfly xx