my christmas 2011

Hello all icebergers, i hope everyone out there is enjoying the few days of relaxation after all the christmas madness. I am sitting here at home in front of the fire with my bro and dark chocolate and tea and i got to say its pure bliss. I do like christmas but its funny i love it more nearly when it is over. I think it is because i crave often space, alone time, time to process and reflect and i find the run up to christmas it is not as possible to have this time. Dont get me wrong i have thoroughly enjoyed (abit too much sometimes!!) all the celebrations of our engagement and time with my family..but now i feel these few days i am coming back to me, to eating what suits my tummy, not drinking so giving my liver time to catch up with itself!. My fiance (so weird saying that) is at the cinema with his mate and im delighted as i am going to write now a list of all i accomplished last year and my dreams/hopes aspirations for 2012.

At the moment i am looking up venues and its very exciting, i guess i am realizing how glad i am that this has come along now when im at the period of self development and enjoyment. There are loads of peoples opinions and in condition i would have taken them all at face value but i am now more aware of what i do and dont want.

Christmas for me was good, i enjoyed celebrations, catching up with those i dont see as often, spending time with family, nights outs, dressing up, dinners, but all this also came a bit much after a few nights out on the trot, like it would for anyone. Also my sisters drink a lot and altho i didnt feel the pressure as much as i used to there were niggling thghts that i shud be joining in all the time.. There were bits i would have changed, particularly in my thinking, which wasnt that bad but just not how i would like. I had mentioned in a reply to others my thinking is not totally free and i can only work more on it i think. I am glad now then to come back to where i would like to be and doing things that are a bit more self caring for me.

Yesterday i went away for a spa night with my family, our first time to do it together and it was great, exactly what we all needed to say our goodbyes to my sister who returns to edinburgh anf finsih off the engagement celebrations. Efven though my family werent there during my recovery really except my Dad i see how much they needed to detach to let me find myself, they r all wonderful in their own way but we are also very different and this caused me a lot of pain in the past, whereas now i appreciate our differences.

My dad gave us all the most wonderful memories this year which were incredibly emotional..he got all our home videos of when my mum was with us and when we were all kids, at our different parties, plays, sports events and got a dvd made for each of us of 2 hours of the best bits. It is so amazing and have had so many giggles, but is also great for the inner child, i see myself as a little girl, and the same tendencies were there..has connected me a little more to my self.

Enjoy the self care and inner inventory in these next few days,

Love Butterfly xx