A magical morning!

Hullo Lovelies,

Just have to share an incredible experience I had this morning with all of you because I know you more than anymore will understand. I kicked off the morning in a rage (it seems to be a common occurance lately) by having an almighty row with my dog Bryn. It sounds hilarious now but I caught him going for a walk with neighbour and his dogs and I saw red...instantly my head became bombarded with condition thoughts "The dog hates me" "I'll never be good enough for him" "It doesnt matter what I do I'll never make him happy" "I must be so boring even the dog cant stand me". I was angry. Angry at the dog, angry at my life, angry at condition, angry at recovery, angry at my porridge, angry at myself for being angry, angry at anger. So in a huff I shoved on my tea-cosy wolly hat and headed out to the woods by my house with my camera in order to walk off some steam and give myself a bit of respite from my own head.

As soon as I stepped into the woods I felt at peace. I could smell the earthy pines, I could hear the crunch of fallen twigs beneath my feet, I could feel the sun's rays as they seeped through the branches. It felt amazing I felt so alive. With my camera as a natural extension of my arm I zoomed in on every bit of beauty I could find. I was in heaven. I was still hurt over the Bryn scenario and half way around the track I could feel I was losing power in my fingers. A few minuted later my fingers were really painful and I knew I was going to have to cut my adventure short....cue more anger....anger at the complications of condition, anger at my circulation, anger at Raynauds, anger at my two pairs of gloves which weren't doing exactly as they said on the tin. I cut through the woods and began to take a shorter route home when suddenly I sensed movement ahead of me. I looked up and saw the most magical thing I have ever seen...the 6 beauties below. I cant describe how overwhelming the experience was. I stood so still for almost 10 minutes locked in eye contact with these beautiful wild and graceful creatures and I felt so at peace. There wasn't another person in the whole woods. It was just me and these deer locked in this incredible moment. I stood for the longest time just breathing deeply and saying my affirmations and feeling so grateful that I choose the path of life instead of death so that I could have this moment. And then the thought occured to me...so many things happenned this morning to make this moment possible....If I hadn't let Bryn out of the house, if my neighbour hadn't decided to go for a walk just at that moment, if I hadn't stormed off on my own, if my fingers hadn't started to hurt I wouldn't have taken a shortcut which would lead me to the path where the deer where grazing just at that exact moment. So many tiny insignificant details in isolation all powered together to produce this breathtaking moment. It could never have been planned or anticipated or controlled. For me it just showdd that sometimes the only thing we can do are the little things and hope that a greater power is at play ensuring that the bigger picture falls into place. When I stop trying to control my world and instead just focus on controlling my thoughts my world transforms itself before my eyes!

Love to you all,
Sa xx