Life Stuff

For the last two weeks I have been horse riding through the Phoenix Park, and what can I say but wow.... The last few weeks for me have thrown some challenges my way and so it is great to find an outlet to just be, to enjoy, to forget everything and be present. I absolutely can say I loved every minute, from the people who were so nice, to the horses who I trusted to the beautiful park where we rode through the fields and I saw loads and loads of deer, it was so cool, it was breath taking, I was in such awe and appreciation that it reminded me how a change of environment can really change your outlook, open new doors, allow your senses to explore and funny how the challenges I have been experiencing never seemed the same on the horse. True liberation, self expression and gratitude for what is, is how I can describe my experience.

Now as I have made my journey through recovery and am recovered I realize that life is always full of challenges, decisions, choices etc etc and for me now I realize how stuck in the condition I used to be because now I feel everything, I feel all the feelings. And ya they are not always comfortable, sometimes they take a little longer to pass, sometimes I have answers, sometimes not but I realize that the important thing is that its all mine. I don't numb my experience or challenge with some sort of destruction I live it. Its all real. And recently I have been experiencing a number of new feelings, new challenges and in ways I suppose I was confused, but then I realize I am human. The thing for me is that I know the the word decision doesn't freak me out, I know that I have choices and I know that there are no wrong or right answers and sometimes you just need to make some choice, then maybe later you realize ok that may not have been the one for me at the time, but you dont beat yourself up about it, you just move on.

I think in ways I am grieving for my self lately, grieving for all the years I missed out. I believe that its never too late, yes firmly I do but I also know that I do feel sad for me, and maybe thats a good thing, it shows I have compassion for myself. And I trust that this sadness is something I need to experience and I do trust it will pass. I am also at the stage of my life where at 28 I am reborn so to speak and starting all again. Its kinda like being 17 and going to college, options, choices. I dont know what I want, who does, isnt life about trying and making choices. So for me, I realize that I am enough for me, I dont need to prove anything to anyone, I dont need to be defined by how many courses I do or dont do. So here I am figuring it all out and the funny thing is that I do trust that this is all for a reason and that the light will come and I do trust that I know, maybe not yet but with time I will figure it out. I realize that as a human being we all get confused, lost in life etc but the difference now is I dont rely on others to validate or assure me because there opinions their answers arent mine. I need to find my answers.

Recently in group someone mentioned about hearing there intuition and I realized that yes, I do, I have but I have had to take my time with it, maybe things take me longer than most people, maybe thats my sensitivity, thats ok. I am glad that I hear my own voice, how cool is that.

And one last thing, for me I know that I am challenged at the moment with life stuff and so its really important to look after myself and do self care. Make the time, choose it. Because in being compassionate with yourself you allow yourself the time, the opportunity, the space....

So for now, I will end by saying something I nicked of a very wise person on facebook "You have 3 choices in life... You can give up, you can give in, or you can
give it your all...It's up to you which one you chose!!"

Have a nice day
Heather