Letting Go of Condition...

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Tue, 27/09/2011 - 18:29
Jacqueline
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Hello Fellow Icebergers :)

It's been a while since I have posted so I decided no time like the present.

Something I have been thinking about the last while and thought I would share it with you. When condition was a very big part of my life, the big problem was the letting go of it. Why would I want to hang on to something that caused me such huge misery? The answer is is that condition is what "made me who I was" ( well this is what I thought at the time). If I were to let go of condition, I thought to myself, what the hell would be put in place instead of it? This thought petrified me.

Are you afraid of letting go of condition and behaviours? Are you worried that you will be deserted by the people around you as this is your identity?

So picture this, you meet someone new and you introduce yourself using the language of Condition:
" Hi, I'm size X (subconsciously we measure are worth by our size so we must tell new people this so they too can rate our worth) all i really do is exercise or think about exercise, in fact that takes up alot of my time so I don't really have time to enjoy anything else, I think about food quite alot but I haven't sufficient nutrition to do anything fun as I haven't the energy as the little energy I do give myself is used at the gym straight away.You can judge by my size that I am not a good person or a great person, still room for improvement though."
Is this the identity we deserve?

So is there an alternative to this? What would we replace condition with? How would we like to introduce ourselves in the language of Freedom?

"Hi my name is .... ( yes we get a name not a size) I have hobbies as I have learned how to part take in activities not to push myself to be the best or push myself towards the unrealistic notion of "Perfectionism". I am fully present in the moment and can give you my full concentration has I have been kind enough to give my body the nutrition it REALLY needs and not what condition tells me it needs. I can travel, I can laugh and I can open my senses in order to really feel life and get joy from the simple things. I have so many dreams and fear does not hold me back from living life"

Condition does not have to be your identity, remind yourself you ARE more then this. Ask yourself how you would like to introduce yourself to someone new? What would you like YOUR identity to contain, ask yourself these questions and go for it!

Something to think about.

Create YOUR true identity and throw condition's away.

Jacqueline x

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you GREATER then any obstacle." - Christian D Larson

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Tue, 27/09/2011 - 23:45
#1
kizzy
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Brilliant angle Jacqueline! I love it, very clever!
I'll give it a try. In a way it's actually really funny to personalise an ED introduction !
Kiz

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Wed, 28/09/2011 - 08:28
#2
Michelle
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Nice one Jacqueline. The

Nice one Jacqueline. The condition is far smaller a part of my identity than it used to be but I must admit it's still there...still defining in some very subtle, sneaky ways who I am, and stopping me from fully entering into the identity I want for myself.
The idea of replacing the condition's identity with my own was put to me yesterday and I like it. Thanks for re-inforcing that..this was the ideal post for me to read morning.
Grá mór,
Michelle x
PS Lovely photograph!

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Wed, 28/09/2011 - 22:37
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cherry
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Hi Jacqueline, you couldn't

Hi Jacqueline, you couldn't have wrote this post at a better time than now for me thanks!

For many years I never questioned condition obsessions and rituals. It was just normal life for me! However now than I am not obsessing so much about food and engaging in condition rituals I suddenly find an empty gap in my life. Im bored, I want to start living life, discovering my passions etc. I feel years behind my friends who have all moved on. At the same time I feel a bit excited about discovering who Cherry really is, what I like to do, my values etc. I have started to try singing , golf and hopefully starting drama in two weeks time.
But to be honest I feel lost at the moment. I am so sick of the condition. I no longer value it but yet there is a part of me that is afraid to let it completely go, afraid to trust myself. I keep questioning why do I still want to hold on to that false sense of 'control' that the condition gives me? Is it because of fear? Is it because I need to discover what my passions are and replace the condition with other interests?

Anyway I will continue to explore! Thanks again for the post Jacqueline.

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Wed, 18/01/2012 - 22:17
#4
Caitriona2
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this is still 1 of my

this is still 1 of my favourite posts i read it when ever i feel hesitant

u cant plough a field by turning it over in ur mind!

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Thu, 19/01/2012 - 09:22
#5
ro
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Reality bites

Letting go of an illusion is hard when you believe in it and feel like you get something out of it. I like how you portray the realities of the condition in this post. Very helpful, thanks. ro x

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Thu, 19/01/2012 - 11:30
#6
catherine o grady
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Hi Jacqueline; what a very

Hi Jacqueline; what a very clever post but so true. It shows how condition isolates and prevents us from having a fullfiled life. How true; we are never "present" when consumed by condition thinking. This post I will remember!!!!!!!!

http://www.eatingdisorderslimerick.com

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Thu, 19/01/2012 - 19:05
#7
Rose
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:-)

Dearest Jacqueline, I LOVE your post!!! Especially that passage with the ed-introduction - reading it left a huge impression on me:) I just had a very silly ed-crisis and ed was all over in my mind where it claimed the finally now recovering & hopeful ME back...it was a real mental struggle and I'm so proud of fighting it and not listening to the condition in the end...

Anyway, doesn't really matter now - maybe I'll find time to write a post about it - but reading your post just gave ed the rest;) It would really be too ridiculous if we introduced ourselves like that....it would be awful!!;-D

We are not measurable by sizes and scale numbers, how much we exercise or don't exercise, how many calories we consume...I am still learning that for myself but it is so true:-) There is just so much more that makes up our unique selves: our names, our style, our hobbies, our passions... as well as our flaws and mistakes! I have often thought about how I (used to) force myself to exercise in order to be thin or achieve a certain weight and tell myself how many grams of X I'm allowed to eat but then couldn't care less if my friends were the biggest or thinnest people in the world!;) Why? Well, simply because their size or weight is of no importance to me at all!! I love them for who THEY are and not for their measurements...

And we all should be to ourselves what we are to them: friends! We should take care of ourselves, allow ourselves to be happy and do the things we want to do and not punish and deprive ourselves of happiness out of whatever reason....do we actually have any sensible reasons? A friend wouldn't think so...

Lots of Love
Rose

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