Just a little gem I've found
Why has it taken me so long to realize this? If you exercise less or not at all you won't gain weight! Also with exercising less, your less hungry and hence you don't need the same amount of food but you still need a normal healthy diet. It's just when you exercise vigorously your starving and it leads to feeling so hungry you think you won't be able to stop eating and that isn't a great position to keep putting yourself in when struggling with an eating disorder. I put myself in it for years! With selective hearing to anyone who tried to suggest I should tame it down.
God had to allow me to become unwell last year (which has been over a year now and I'm not recovered but doing o.k) to realize I have been pushing my body physically for 14 years and especially this past 7. How much I can exercise and the type of exercise has changed dramatically since becoming unwell and it's actually o.k? Can't even believe I'm saying that!
Now it's took me a while to except this and I've only realized this gem about 3 months ago when I relapsed which was necessary because I didn't learn the lessons I needed to the first time which were necessary for finding freedom in my life but I'm honoured to finally get this.
People have been telling me for years - why the need to push yourself so hard your full time job is not an athlete. Of course I wouldn't listen, different rules and all that. I kept thinking if I didn't exercise for a certain period of time every week of every year, I'd be the size of a house. And I'm not. I used to dread thinking if I got ill and couldn't exercise I'd loose my mind and I haven't.
Instead I've been freed, now not without a fight and i'm still working on it. I was a tad stubborn at the beginning and refused to believe I'd have to let go of exercise. But I'm enjoying no pressure and doing what I can when I can within my limits. God loves me too much to allow anything to control me, ruin me and steal my peace and joy. So this is my nugget of gold I've finally realized in a world telling you to remain a certain size with a perfectly toned, slender physique that never changes or ages. Rubbish. That's another truth I realized your body is meant to change as it gets older and it's something to embrace for further joy and freedom, which I'm going to get there with to! Sometimes I wonder who forgot to let me in on these secrets. I guess It's more I'm in a place where I'm ready to accept and listen.
Hi Cath,
Oh my god im so glad u wrote this and it was a careworker (thnx so much P) who text me this morning to read ur post as is very relevant to me. I am naturally an active person and some of my job is active and teaches others to move their bodies. I did give up exercise and totally giving it up just was for me the perfectionistic black or white give it all up. At the moment i am working on listening to my feelings, really trying to listen to how i feel, in terms of exercise this is actually a challenge as i am so used to connecting everything to condition. Im trying now to look at what i want to do and i dont always get this right and thats ok..but i really relate to what u said about eating more when u exercise. In the past deep in condition i def did not nourish my body enough for all the over exercise i was doing..now i am seeing that when i do move my body i need to eat more and the last few days i have been starving and also not sleeping as well as i was when i was doing less so this for me is my realisation, i am trying to find that balance of what is enough for my body and what is too much, i guess this is what everyone seeks balance. Just shows u from your post, the body has a natural set point, homeostatis that mother nature will always try to acheive exercise or no exercise, thnxc for ur amazing gem of wisdom xx
Thanks so much for your honesty in these posts Cat and Butterfly. What strikes me most from what you have both said is that knowledge remains in our heads until experience/application finally moves it from our heads into our hearts where it can never be forgotten and becomes integrated into our lives. As you said, Cat, people told you for years not to push yourself so much and that your appetite would adjust as your amount of exercise reduced - but until you were forced into a corner by your body no longer responding to the drive you finally learned this the hard way and transfered the knowledge into your heart. Take all your similar experiences, Butterfly, and let them re-touch your heart and so your life.
Similarly, people warned me of the health dangers of ED and the dangers of constantly driving myself - all head knowledge for me. My body came to the place of being able to take no more and my pace was forced to slow when I had to have dialysis every day for three years due to kidney failure. Not pleasant but an experience for which I am now thankful because my heart and not just my head got the message of self-care/limitations/no change in weight/importance of rest/letting go of the drive/balance etc etc. Paula
I'm finally beginning to realize everything you've mentioned in your post above. Illness can be one of the most difficult, life changing things but blessings as you are faced with changes and reflecting on your life in a way you simply don't usually. People can talk to you until you're blue in the face but until you go through he deep waters yourself and realize the lessons for yourself you just won't get the message of freedom necessary to change things. As you said, once the knowledge necessary for change moves from your head into your heart and becomes integrated it can never be forgotten.
thank u thank u so much for this just what i needed
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Hello Butterfly, nice webname! I know balance is that magic word-everything in moderation - think everyone in life is striving for this. I too have been extremely black and white and have to try hard to work on that thinking. I am only beginning to learn balance this past few years but it's hard work. I do exercise now but there's a magic amount of time I've realized that my body can only cope with and it doesn't have to be everyday or every week sometimes. I'm learning to listen to my body and treat it with love -something I've never done until recently.
I also think I have had to loose exercise in the way I had it-an obsession so I can regain it back in a new, healthy and non-weight related way. I really enjoy feeling hungry naturally and not feeling like I'm so hungry after exercising I don't know how much to eat and it all seems too much. But the reality is people who work-out a lot need a lot of food. It's just for us with ED that's too much to process or handle. Hindsight is wonderful. I only know now the stress I was putting on my mind and emotions constantly faced with this battle. I understand what you were saying about not eating enough to nourish your body and then not sleeping.
I also realized I have burnt my body out through my ED, exercise, drive, and not eating enough rich foods. I certainly never want to return there, now I know there is an alternative. You are right there is a set point we all naturally stay at but even that for me has had to change because I think ED people make up their own set points they think they should be at, I know I did. I wanted to stay as a thin 18 year old when in reality I was heading through my 20's and now 32 and it's ridiculous to expect your body to remain a particular size whenever the facts of mother nature simply don't allow it. I've had to regain a whole new perspective on my body and seeing the changes as positive. I'm excited about this and again there's no rush the best change is progression and over time, not instant. It sometimes amazes me how slow things are to click, but they do and when they do it's life changing. I'm glad my message helped you. It's really interesting to hear other peoples thoughts and struggles especially when they are all very similar. I also feel recovery is in my grasp because I've developed this illness ( which I think is Chronic fatigue although waiting for verdict on that) that has made me slow down and take stalk of myself and my life. No one can cope in the long run with the manic paced life and driving yourself. I certainly couldn't . It's plain exhausting but very hard and scary to let go of. It's taken me a long time to get here and God's goodness and love to let it go on no more. One day at a time, heading in the right direction, not in a rush, letting go of what was and looking forward to what will be.
Cath:-)