Is it ok to like food?

I tried one of maries chocolate seaweed cake thingy the other day , every work shop they sit there and i wonder and i think maybe today but i have always had that ''another time'' syndrome or ''thats not on your mealplan'' or ''you dont know the calorific content'' ..... but here is my problem, while i didnt and would not have done it alone i know nothing happened at all to the other person, so its completely illogical and neurotic to think i have doubled after a square of nuts chocolate and seaweed. is this something thats sorts itself out?

but more annoying when asked did i enjoy it ( i nearly hate this question as much as what did you do/any plans'') why am i so afraid to say yes like its a sin, head: you must hate all food never in any situation admit you like it its a sign of greed indulgence! this i know is ed but i have this fear that if i do like it and they know i will have mountains to eat everyday. esp when that day i could not focus on any part of the workshop with the fear and tears building up due to having to eat lunch(after a disastrous few days food wise after letting go of my rules and control its very scary to think i may end up in another cycle an never be able to stop eating), i know its silly, but even if asked whats wrong i could not find the words, along with that familiar choking feeling i have every day whatever it is makes it difficult to speak, almost like there is something or someone not letting me speak, or maybe its the fear of being honest and vunerable.

now i know i just have to say''i need help im not sure i can explain why but i need help''... thats all they need just something so they can start to try help me and figure it out. but i get so embarrassed i guess the idea of liking food, goes back to fear for me and it seems so petty and stupid to say all the small fears i have. i see kids munch away on things not a care in the world, others in condition sitting bravely to face their fear and nourish the body, and then i see me so deathly afriad of normal eating and going through imbalance either side of the coin to fin the balance.

letting go of rules has been a challenge for me, but liking food rather not liking food was a major one. i am working on changing my food thoughts. i know my body needs even if i dont completely agree with the amount of needs my body apparently has. i know my brain needs it. i know my organs do except some days i find it challenging to imagine and use this as i cant see it, i think thats why poor body image had such a hold over me: i can see my body hence i see the distortion not the starving organs etc... what is the difference between greed and liking food?

not sure if any of this makes sense but its been floating around my head for ages now.

Ciara xxx