Insomnia, Nighteating and Food anxiety
Hi!
Recently I find it extremely hard to sleep through the night. I have been unable to get enough sleep for the past few months but now that I'm at the beginning of recovery it becomes more and more difficult to put up with it...
My problem is that I used to wake up at nights, be very upset about it and due to stress or hunger go and eat...often crappy stuff I would've never touched. As for that, I stopped stuffing myself just to punish myself but I still can't either go to sleep or sleep through the night because I get hungry and my thoughts keep circling about food until I go and have a meal I would usually have in the day...
I guess my problem is that I still tend to eat too little (especially in the evening) so that I get hungry. I feel very guilty and get fears of putting on too much weight when I go and eat something at night, particularily if I don't manage to have no or little breakfast. Because breakfast is my favourite meal and I tend to eat as if I hadn't eaten at night, now increasingly things I have avoided for quite some time and though I like the taste of it and would be categorised as 'normal' (I think) I feel worse afterwards... It often spoils my whole day.
I can't get rid of this anxiety of 'soon getting fat' if I eat out of ordinary meal times...
I know that night eating is a bad habit and I want to get rid of it. I try to eat enough in the evening but sometimes it just doesn't work and I think I have to eat at night in order to sleep. And I don't wan't to miss out having a nice breakfast.
Do you have any similar experiences? I am so nervous I'm doing wrong things during recovery which I will regret lateron and that I slip right into the next ED again...I don't want to be afraid of eating anymore! And I want to sleep like 'normal' people do! And not feel guilty if it doesn't work out so well and if I happen to eat at night and pretend nothing's happened the next day...
Oh please give me some tips what to do...I'm so nervous that I'm doing absolutely wrong! I'm still so afraid of getting 'fat' as soon as I eat 'normal' or more than I should (Though I don't really know how much my body really needs, the doctors won't tell me and say I should just learn listen to my body...which I don't trust due to previous problems I had with eating...) I'm sooo afraid of everything!!!:-(
Looking forward to any tips, shared experiences etc....
Rose
Dear Rose,
Well done, gorgeous, for starting your journey to recovery. This is a great step you have taken, and very brave...and trust me, full recovery is possible for you and it is so worth it. So well done for you!!!
The challenges that you describe are very common when in the condition, and you may be surprised - or not - they are all mainly happening due to a malnourished brain...
Yes, believe me, it has actually been shown that a person that is not meeting her body's and brain's requirement of different nutrients, will obsess about foods, think about eating all the time, she will be hungry, because the body is asking to be fed, she will have sleepless nights because the body is driving on adrenaline instead of adequate energy and the adrenaline keeps her away...
So therefore, keeping at recovery and beginning to refuel your precious body regularly is a key aspect to overcome these challenges.
Now, it is also very important to realise that the condition voice in your head is still very strong. But this is not ROSE's voice, in the contrary, it is the voice of a bad liar, a liar that wants to hold you back in its grasps. And the condition is beginning to shout louder and lure you with all sorts of fears, because it notices that you are fighting it now... and that you want to get recovery and freedom.
Most of those fears that you describe are distorted fears of the condition, and repeating these fears in your head all the time will only keep you in the condition. Condition loves keep people paralysed with fears, especially the distorted fear of "fat" or certain food.
I am also aware that you are afraid of doing "it" wrong. Eating Distress is a very complex condition and full recovery is possible, but it takes time, and it requires a lot of support, from all sides. I don't know if you are getting the support of a therapist and nutritionist that is specialised in ED, also regular visits to a doctor that has a special interest in ED would be important, to check your bloods and make sure that you keep safe.
Believe me, the insomnia and cravings at night time come mainly from not nourishing yourself enough during the day, you actually realised that yourself already. So there you know already one thing you can do to change things.
You can also read back on other posts here on iceberg. There is a lot of wisdom collected up here already and I am sure you will find something very helpful there.
Keep it up, Rose, it will get easier, be proud of yourself for having started recovery!!! Well done, lovely.
Love,
xxx Robin xxx
Dear Rose, our bodies are very clever instruments and we need to learn to trust them. If you look around, most people who constantly focus on losing weight are never happy and their weight is constantly fluctuating.
People, who listen to theirs bodies and eat with their bodies, and not with their mind, do not have weight problems. It is very important to educate yourself about our body needs and body functions. Our bodies need energy, and most important our brain needs a lot of energy as well. As Robin said, here on Iceberg is so much material, about normal eating, fears, listening to body and lot more, go through the posts in the Nutrition Forum http://www.eatingdisorderselfhelp.com/forum/58 I am sure some of the posts will be very helpful.
Important is to give yourself a lot of credit for putting a lot of effort to Recovery, it is very complex issue, Rose, but it will worth it.
It can help to focus on the other parts of Recovery; the area of food is difficult because we do not focus enough on life.
So, Rose, never give up, it will get easier, step by step and plenty of credit instead fears – fear is just F – falls, E- evidence, A- appearing, R – real
You not are alone, it will all get easier…
Lots of love
M
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