The importance of self validation

THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF VALIDATION
Those of us who suffer from eating distress are often plagued with a huge sense of unworthiness. “I’m not good enough, people don’t like me as I am, if people knew what I was really like they would not associate with me, my project, my ideas and efforts are not good enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m fat, ugly, useless, a disappointment to everybody, I’m not worthy of love”. These words are very often the common mantra of the E.D. sufferer; night and day these words race in the minds of the sufferer. Unfortunately the sufferer believes this to be the absolute truth; however this is not the case. Because we are human we are perfectly good enough, we are also worthy and deserving. Great men such as Martin Luther King fought for all to be treated as equal; so why do people who suffer with eating distress feel they are unequal, lesser than or not as good as everyone else? A sense of unworthiness fills a person with a huge sense of inadequacy. This sense of inadequacy and unworthiness spills over into all of life. One area in particular I have noticed with in my own practice is that many sufferers are terrified of the opinions of others. People live entire lives trying to please. Decisions are made on the basis of how others feel or how they may react. Perhaps they will be displeased or not like the choices we make. They may have a different opinion to us. These are some of the fears that fill the sufferer with dread. They also can lead us down the path of a lifetime of people pleasing. In recovery we learn there is another way. Others have opinions but so do we; we are neither less than nor more than anyone; we are equal. Once we understand that we are equal other people’s opinions are not so important. In recovery we learn to have respect, honour and compassion for others. We also learn to apply these principles to ourselves. We understand that sometimes there will be differences of opinions but we can learn to trust our own. One important aspect of recovery is to learn to validate ourselves; this means saying things such as “I’m ok, I can make choices and live with the consequences, I don’t need everybody’s approval, if I make a mistake I can live with it and learn from it”. If we continue to seek approval and validation from others we will live in a constant state of anxiety; fretting and worrying about our every action or every word we say. Remember we cannot please everybody. If we practice respect and courtesy towards others we can learn to let go of our fear of insulting or hurting others. Recovery is not about being egotistical or a right fighter; it is about growth, development, change. We need to understand that we have the same rights as everyone else; the right to our opinions, the right to say no, the right to make our own choices. We understand that we have lots of rights and strive to be treated fairly.
Just for today ask how you may begin to validate yourself?
How can I approve of myself, rather constantly seek approval of others?
Today I will make choices that will enhance my recovery as opposed to pleasing others
I know that I am equal with everyone, so are my opinions and ideas
I will strive to be respectful when dealing with others but I realise sometimes I see things differently
Catherine
Eating Distress Practitioner/ Limerick