How do I talk to my friends about my ed?
How do I talk to my friends about my ed?
Nobody knows about it because I don’t talk about it. Two of my friends know but I think one of them thinks its gone because I don’t talk about it. But it isn’t gone and I could do with her support right now because I am struggling! I’m not sure how to say it. I also want to explain why I don’t go out for dinner with the girls or why I’m kind of distant at the moment. I just need someone who will tell me its ok and you will beat the ed. I am scared because an ed is complicated to understand and most people don’t understand bulimia? She is such a good friend that I know she will be there for me but I just need to ask!! Why is it so hard to ask for a little bit of support? I keep saying to myself, listen Sarah your 24 get a grip and tell her how you feel! Its hard I don't want to burden people with my stuff!
Please if anyone has advise please le me know
Thanks
Sarah
Dear Sarah, I know it can be difficult, but having ED is nothing to be ashamed of. Most good friends understand more than we realise, maybe just to go for it, just to say it and you will see, if they are good friends, they will understand, if they judge you, they are not best friends.
Reading your post, where you are describing your friends I feel that the worst are your fears, you do not need to justify having it, but be proud of dealing with it.
If you feel strong share do it, if not wait – both ways you have nothing to lose, just gain learning, I am sure it will be a pleasent one.
So, good luck, and do not forget – all Icebergers understand, so you are never on your own :):):)
M
Sarah I think it would be healthy to share this with friends who you can trust.
Hopefully we all have one or two saint like people who we always come away from feeling inspired and assured. You could tell them about iceberg which will help with their understanding.Also I think that everyone to an extent can relate to negativity and self esteem issues which are at the core of the condition - this might be your opening line. Ian
Marie, thank you for the advice. It is my fears that are holding me back. It is so important for me to feel accepted and one part of me feels that if I tell her she will reject me! I just need to remember not everyone judges or rejects me as I do! She is such a good friend and I know she will be there for me, I just need to take the jump!
Thanks so much
Sarah x
Hi Sarah,
If you are attending the Marino Therapy Centre you could always ask your therapist or Marie for a copy of the book 'Hope' and maybe your friends could read that to help them better understand what it's all about?
Good luck hun.
C xx
Thanks thats a great idea ill ask at my next session!
sarah x
mmm i have been reading this and i get confused, is not talking about it protection me and forcing me to be someone other than the ed girl or the skinny girl or the sick girl or the diet tips weight loss etc tips girl. but is not talking about it denying it or avoiding it and not been real....
Also obviously all my mates know but its annoying they constantly watch out which dont get me wrong is sooooooooooooo nice but when your trying to be normal it annoys me...
i wish i could talk about it generally without the worry or food or weight questions and leave it at that and feel like a normal person in my group cared for but not walked on egg shells.... is there a balance?
I will try and answer going the long way around.When I have talked to carers
and if they talk about behaviours only, there is an educational opportunity for them to develop true understanding about the condition. It does not surprise me as whilst there is much information out there about ED,there is very little understanding.If recovery were a movie, the main characters to be developed are YOU starring with a therapist.Friends are well intentioned however some will feel that recovery is their personal responsibility. They play a lesser but still important part - ideally they would be encouraging, calm, consistent and caring.The acid test is if they are helping in some way to move you towards full freedom.In my experience some will be better than others and the trick is to filter who is best.I believe that in general friends do value and see our uniqueness probably more clearly than we do. A discussion on esteem and confidence would be something that most people could relate to.Hope this helps
Ian
thanks Ian and Paula it does. i think my friends try to understand and think that i need constant checking or looking after, but i am proud that i can try and step away and be self sufficient at times i know its hindering me. as for filtering yes i remeber you saying something that stuck with me before, the ripples in the pond, but certain aspects of my condition i have a lot of shame attached to and even though i have a fairly good idea who i can trust( wel i did shaky ground but im finding my feet again)its talking about these things like for example been afraid to go on a night out, the real reason i dont drink, the days i ring them or want to ring them when i want to do xyz and need help but am mortified to tell them why, i can barely tell a therapist some days. or my scars yes they are there to stay but they think its done for so many reasons than the ones its actually done for... its stuff like that i wish i could say so they stop worrying and stop lookin at me like i am freak or treat me like a fragile lil girl which ill admit i am but i need to break out of that at home and with friends.
This morning i met my friend for coffee and I did it, I told her my ed had been causing me bother again!!!
At the start we talked about everything and then she brought it up. I panicked slightly and then I just spoke from the heart. The more I spoke the more confident I became. So its out there and she is fully comfortable with it and she is happy to be there for me on my journey to recovery!I am unbelievably grateful. So I dont know why I was so worried!
sarah xxx
Sarah,
Give yourself a giant pat on the back - well done. There is a price to pay for bottling things up - you seem relieved.Fear is false evidence appearing real and I heard an excellent paradox that it is like a con artist - the more you invest in it the more it rips you off.Recovery is not when everything in life is perfect and wonderful - but using positivity to build resilience and your defences to help you through a difficult day which we all face at times whether sufferer or not.
Today is a milestone for you and in future remember how you got through
this challenge and dealt with it fear and all.
Again well done. Ian
Well done, Sarah, keep it up
all the best
M
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Thanks Ian
I really do trust her so I think Ill just give it go and see how it goes!!
Thanks for the encouragement.
sarah :)
"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."
Flavia Weedn