Holiday Disater

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Sat, 12/11/2011 - 20:33
TheLittleMermaid
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I just returned from what I have to admit was the worst holiday/break of my life. I went to England for a few days to visit family and the whole time I was there I struggled. It really highlighted how much of a problem with food I have. I tried to nourish my body with food like I do at home but it just wasn't enough. I watched my brother and cousin eating whatever they wanted,after all they were on holiday and I miserably stood in their shadows watching them,trying to ignore the pangs coming from my stomach.
This holiday really made me want Recovery and Freedom around food more but now I'm at home and back in my comfort zone the desire for freedom seems to have gone out the window and I'm back to rigidity. Sticking to what I know,going to supermarkets wishing I could have that ice-cream,chocolate bar or that pizza or lazagne but not attempting to go near them because according to condition these foods = FAT!!!! Why can't I just break free? Ever week I say I will and the weeks go by and I'm still sticking to the same plan and to be honest it really is starting to bore me now.

Also this week my family have decided to go for Dinner to celebrate my Dad's birthday and I am petrified! I haven't eaten out in around 2 years so this is completely driving me crazy. I'm scared to eat out. I know it will be a good challenge for me but I'm just terrified. ( I feel silly saying I'm scared of a meal in a restaurant)

Did anyone else experience this? How did you's getover it?

Please.. Any tips or anything people have to offer I will be soo grateful!!

X

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Mon, 14/11/2011 - 21:28
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quinnfo
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Hi Littlemermaid, How are ya

Hi Littlemermaid,

How are ya ??

Ed's voice is very loud in your post. Sometimes when things seem hard it really helps to rephrase things or look at them from different angles. Ed called this holiday a disaster - in recovery we can call it an amazing learning experience where you saw the kind of freedom you are aiming for, and you now know exactly where you are with regards to that freedom. Sometimes when we stay in our comfort zones we don't realise that there is so much more out there for us. So by pushing ourselves a bit, we get a better idea of what work there is still left to do.So it was actually a wonderful holiday because if you hadn't of gone, you'd never know where you're at.

Full freedom is yours for the taking. Patience is the key element here. And credit. So much credit is needed. You went on Holiday ! You stepped outside your comfort zone. You tried to nourish yourself as best you can at this point. You came on iceberg and spoke out about your weekend. You have so much of awareness of where you are and where you want to be. This is all good stuff Littlemermaid.

You say that you feel the drive for full freedom has lessened a bit now that you're back in your comfort zone. Ok. How about making a suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper long list of all your motivators for recovery. Put all the tiny tiny seemingly insignificant things on it. Because all those little things are what make recovered life as awesome as it is. Then, an extremely long list of the things ed takes from you. Every single thing. And stick them somewhere you can see. That's motivation - moving away from pain and towards pleasure.

Pleasures like going out to a restaurant for your Dad's birthday :) This is a wonderful chance to let the Littlemermaid swim in the sea of freedom :) You can do so many pro-recovery things on that day and the days leading up to it to make things easier for yourself - maybe bring it to your one to ones. Just keep reminding yourself that it is one meal. One meal Hun. But by partaking in the meal, being there with your family you will give your Dad the best birthday present ever :):)

Well done for writing this post and being so honest. You should be very proud of yourself.
Love always,
Fio xxx

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