Growing
i always seem ta get a little nervous bfore i write on this cause something was telling me that everybody that writes on this is way ahead of me and im still in the same place and still not ready but i have grown im not in the same place and i am ready. my awareness of how the condition works and all its tricks, games, lies negative talk etc etc was just holding me back but now my awareness is really been put into action and not just talk cause the condition talk always wins over. i am stronger than ED!! i can step out of its comfort zone, i can change my tinking, i can see and realise what i want in life and not have my life controlled for me, i do have a voice and i do have a body ha believe it or not. i can feel my inner strength growing and growing and i can feel ME becoming more powerful than ED. its also becoming easier for me to visulise freedom. i can see myself inside a bubble and just living inside that bubble and thats why the condition has a great time cause its in its comfort zone but each day i am taking step by step and bursting that bubble. ITS POSSIBLE!! :)
LOTS OF LOVE.
i totally understand where your coming from i used to feel sick at the thoughts of writing on iceberg and worrying about what people thought and would i offend any1 etc but this was just condition bull..... but well done for writing fitzy .That something telling you stuff is condition filling you with lies and crap and at least your aware of this :)i think you definitely won today fitzy because you wrote on iceberg WELL DONE FITZY :)
Congrats fitzy!!Keep at it!!:-D
I'm experiencing similar things at the moment - I'm becoming more aware of things and I think I am finally starting to live in this world again!;-) I'm also worried that I'm a bit overhasty by writing this post because I DO have lots of mood swings but I can feel that something's changing inside me...for good:) Sadly I find it still very difficult to trust in recovery and to get rid of the constant food and weight fears - ED voice gets pretty loud sometimes... However I TRY to remind myself constantly that it's a good thing I'm doing, going through all these fears, taking a risk...wanting to become healthy!
I really want my life back and I start feeling sorry for having tortured my body for so long and am willing to make up for it by trusting into recovery and all the people that support me (including all other icebergers who really help me so much!!)...There is something better than the condition in this world for us so we have to fight the ED-voice who wants to keep us from doing what we really want to do...I find it so hard to differentiate between ED and my own voice but I'm beginning to discover differences and it makes me smile and hope:)
I admit that this post maybe sounds more optimistic than I actually feel because there is this fear of the future that gives me a chill while I'm writing this post....still, next to the voice that says that all I'm writing is pure illusion there is this tiny voice that keeps saying 'Well done, you're doing the right thing, keep on track!'. But I clearly see that you are on the right track and I wish you all the best and lots of good luck for your recovery!!:-)
I guess all this is really worth something....trying to get out of this hell already is such a great achievement, even if we go and make mistakes or sometimes relapse... I think this becoming more and more aware of ourselves is a really good sign, we just have to keep going!!
For me it's babysteps really, and I stumble so often but I think it's very important not to give up and think that you've failed but to just get up again and go on. Eventually something good WILL happen. I love this quote by Ralph W. Emerson that says: 'Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fall.'
So good luck to you, fitzy - you're doing great!!:-))
Lots of Love
Rose
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i am really enjoying and very grateful for ur replys and thats ME speaking here and not the condition haha. its just shows that its worth every min posting something on iceberg cause its also part of recovery and its ME that wants to. its also very helpful to read how similar im feeling with the whole ed thing its amazing cause i was always was in denial of having the condition but when i come on this and read posts that people write i feel the exact same so it just shows that condition is so powerful it makes you believe that like the rest of the bullshite it tells you.
xx
fitzy