Forgiving
I've found forgiveness one of the hardest things to do I recovery. Probably because it isn't achieved through brut force or through intellectualisation of it - forgiveness I guess is far to precious, sacred and pure to respond to either of those two less sophisticated cousins. I find it hard to forgive myself, let myself and my wrongdoings go and also other people I do find it hard. Anyway I'm guessing it comes through patience and time and compassion, understanding and love. Hopefully it'll be a natural occurence.
But anyway the reason I post this is because I watched the film The Secret Life of Bees yesterday and I heard this loving, powerful woman say "some people would rather die than forgive." Of all the things I've heard, seen, watched, read, thought and contemplated in my efforts to forgive I don't think anything has hit home as much as that simple one liner - the fiercesome force that is hate and spite and resentment would rather see you too proud and in the grave sacrificing and destroying your own life as opposed to getting over an event or a person. I guess unforgiveness is a way of saying that someone else has more power and value in my life than myself. Anyway just thought the quote was cool xxx
Thank you Joyce, I did not see that film myself, will put it on the list, but I found the Lovely Bones film very helpful on the subject of forgiveness. None of us found it easy, the sensitivity is in the way, but the final freedom cannot be felt full without forgiveness, it worth it.
Thanks for the tips
M
JoJo,
Forgiveness is a process, however through my own experiences I found that until I could forgive myself, I could not forgive others - forgiveness has to start from ourselves first, as if we cannot forgive ourselves, how on earth can we expect to forgive others. I have some info at home on the subject, so will have a look and see if I can find it, and post here. Through the process of self-forgiveness, as is important to start from ourselves first and foremost, is also important to have compassion towards ourselves. By having compassion for any wrongdoing we feel we may have done, helps the process along. Also, is important to remember that whatever has happened in the past, we dealt with things in the best way we know how, in that moment and time, with the tools we had.
One technique that I find helps when I am around someone that I don't want to be around is to send love to that person from the heart - it is amazing how something so simple can change the energy we carry.
In love and light,
Mystique.
Dear Joyce,
Forgiveness played a huge big role in my recovery... it was so incredibly important because: as long as I couldn't forgive, no matter if myself or somebody else, I kept myself stuck in the VICTIM ROLE.
And being in this position, being the poor helpless victim, is a grazing field for the condition. Poor me was powerless and weak, unable to do anything against the awful destiny of my life. It was a constant living in the past, with my head turned back to front, no joy, just pure sadness, frustration, depression...
The work on forgiveness that I did with my therapist was one of the major stepping stones on the way to freedom.
And it took me several attempts to finally come to a point of honest and real forgiveness. I had written letters, even read them out to the persons in question, and still felt resentment or remorse, it hadn't sunk in deep enough, or rather hadn't come from deep within me, because I hadn't managed to be honest or clear with myself yet.
For years I thought "ah, b...sh.., forgiveness doesn't work for me, I did it and I still am miserable and can;t really forgive"... But that was condition talking, 100%...
Thank goodness, finally I can say, I have taken this hurdle and let this big weight be lifted from my shoulders, changing my role from passive victim to active freedom fighter. Sure, there are moments where I think it would be so nice to hear a Sorry, but I don;t make my life and happiness dependent on this any more. I don't let my thinking be dictated by this one little thing.
I am the master of my mind, and I have the choice to stick in the victim role or to move on and let the past be past. I have the power to go down a different road, no longer make my life miserable.
With forgiveness your whole life will become so much lighter. And if it doesn't work the first time, don;t give up, do it again, it works like the affirmations, the more you do it, work on it, the more it will materialise in your mind, and one day you will set yourself free.
Love and forgiving,
xxx Robin xxx
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Dr Sinead O'DeaMB BCH NUI, DCH, MICGP |
The Joy ProjectThe Joy Project is a non-profit organisation based on the philosophy of using real-world, workable solutions to end the epidemic of eating disorders.www.joyproject.org |
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