Feeling fat? You can live outside the mirror....

So i cant sleep because i feel fat, but tonight i want to be different and not give in to my usual routine. i have been routing through my old notes and i came across a few things i use to use that i found online by someone else but its helpful.....

feeling fat? Correction fat is not a feeling...

Your clothes may feel too tight , you face may feel puffy, you tummy might feel like it has expanded to extraorinary alarming new proportions, you may think an ''feel'' like you have gained a couple of extra yous overnight.

Two things to remember in this situation:
1. This too shall pass(even though now would be nicer)
2. Fat is not a feeling'

When you are angry , sad, happy,frustrated , confused, paniced these are feelings. ''feeling fat'' however real and distressing it feels right now is not an EMOTION! When you are feeling fat you are feeling an emotion. but the emotion is too difficult an new and scary an alien and painful or overwhelming so subconsiously you focus all the negativity on your body as thats what you are good at, numbing out an avoiding any feelings.

Focusing on the body gives you an enemy. if the problem is fatness there is a simple solution , to lose weight. that is much easier than trying to eal with the external problem or internal issue which may or may not be completely outsie of your control.

But thats not living thats existing and merely surviving an living in a constant state of misery an dissatisfaction. dealing with our problems opens us up to feeling an letting it pass and opens the gate to us loving our bodies not taking it out on our body. it means being human but it means living! i always think after i read it on iceberg, do i want to let ED dictate how i live out my dying moment how and when i take my last breath, or passing dreams and oportunites all because i felt fat and was scared to feel and to live.....

***Advice for a fat day***
1. dont hide yourself away. get out of the house of the kitchen your room whereever you hide....spend time with friends or nature or your pet. thke the focus of your body and use your senses. can you feel the breeze, the heat of the sun or the chill of the cold air or rain, can you hear the birds or people or cars, can you see the flowers happy ppl colours life in all its beauty an uniqness, can you feel grounded can you feel your feet in your shoes or the sand or the grass, can you smell anything....

2. STAY AWAY FROM THE MIRROR:
Sometimes or all the time you look in the mirror and you dont like what you see. its bound to hapen. BUT THE MIRROR LIES. it does not show you the beauty thats within. mirrors always lie. you will never see how funny and caring and supportive and strong an intelligent an pretty you are, it wont let you not with a sap living in your head anyway.

the mirror doesnt show the truth . it doesnt show you how you helped a stranger you've never met before get the strength to carry on for a little longer.or how your smile or hug or pressie or kind words gave someone else in recoevry the strentgh to carry on for a day longer and not to give up on themselves..... the mirror doesnt show you the beauty that you see in everything. it cant. its just a pece of glass that an what you see will always appear different to what others see anyway.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LIVE A LIFE OUTSIE THE MIRROR.... YOU DESERVE IT!

3. dont restrict your food intake.
Giving into the ed when you are ''feeling fat'' only contributes to the problem and strengthens its hold on you. by restricting your food intake or excercising like a mad thing you are making yourself physically weaker and more emotionally unstable. you will feel fat more often if you restrict due to the increased focus on your body and the power it gives the eating disorder.

WE WHERE MEANT TO LIVE FOR SO MUCH MORE. YOU ARE SO MUCH MUCH MORE THAN AN EMPTY GOAL TO LOSE WEIGHT, REMEMBER YOUR REASONS TO RECOVER. IF YOU CANT LIKE ME RIGHT NOW THINK OK I CAME TO TREATMENT FOR A REASON, I MIGHT THINK IT WAS ALL GREAT THEN BUT I DO KNOW I WAS MISERABLE. ME PERSONALLY I THINK I THOUGHT NO I COULD LIVE ANYMORE BUT I HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER WAY. I KNOW COMING TO MARINO SAVED MY LIFE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER SO WHY GO BACK TO FIND THE THAT REASON JUST KNOW THAT THERE WAS ONE AT SOME POINT THAT MADE YOU THINK NO I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS. I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME BUT SOMETHING IS OFF, I EAT DIFFERENT ACT DIFFERENT AND AM NOT HAPPY.....

I still have to read this and most days it goes in one ear an out the other but i read it anyway. i want to be able to look in the mirror or have a shower without crumbling and crying and feeling unpretty an unloveble and untouchable. it would mean i could lie in too and not have to make time for the 50 million outfit changes to find that ''skinny'' outfit or stay up til all hours so i fit into it and plan my day and intake an outfit- i could get a good nights rest instead. it would mean smiling and not crying, walking around with my head held high not to the floor in the hope i dissappear or noone notices me. it would mean the difference between dreading waking up and not wanting to wake up and being glad i had another day to live life.

Im not there yet im not even close but i dream of the day i wake up feeling beautiful and that makes it harder to quit on the bad days.

Hope some of this helps one of you

As always much love to you amazing beautiful people
xxxCiaraxxx