fears of future
hello everyone,
i'm back from a talk about application for jobs next year and heaving a huge sigh of frustration right now.... i've been running away from this a long time. fears about future scaring everything out of me and so much guilt and regret. i'm scared. will i pass the year, do i have what it takes to be a good doctor on top of managing my life and recovery and relationships. will i go back to singapore to work, will i manage the 80-120 hour work weeks. will i stay in eire, will i go to new zealand after that. what is most important to me? how will i know things will work out? truth is i dont know. these decisions are real and they have to be made. i can only pray... and trust..and do my best. Im really scared.. everyone in college is facing the pressure, everyone is struggling in the mess of the system, the air of insecurity and uncertainty is just overwhelming..and it manifests in form of aggression and hostility. i knew this was coming, didn't i? you can't run away from the competition, the world thrives on competition. without competition there would be no progress. they make it so difficult for us to test what we r made of. to test whether we really want to do this. there are many things to do, many things to find out, many questions unanswered, solutions waiting to be found, i can only do one thing at a time, take one step at a time.
ok i do feel much better ventilating my head now. i know things are tough at the moment, i know there is no point in feeling guilty for the past, i know ed makes all this harder because it magnifies my fears. but i have iceberg !! and marino, and family and God.. and so i can do this, and i will do this. i will continue to be my no. 1 fan, i will continue to love myself and care for myself because without loving myself i will not be able to function, i will not take it out by destroying myself because i deserve better, and if all fails, i still have me.
love,
chelsea
Hi Chelsea,
This is a topic I can really relate to, I used to constantly be so afraid of the future and always paint the darkest picture of what condition told me it would be like, always thinking of worst case scenarios and just accepting this as my fate. As I am now fully recovered I still do not know exactly what I wish to do with my life in many areas, but rather then dwelling on this as a bad thing, I now turn it to excitement as well as trusting it, I always say our fears and hopes start out in the same place, in our minds, we have the choice of which one to manifest into our world.
Do not worry Chelsea,even if life sometimes turns out a bit different for us then we planned, doesn't mean it is bad or it is wrong. Trust in the future and only imagine the very best for yourself.
Jacqueline x
Hi Chelsea I remember i spent a long time in my sessions with the same fears. They were real, i was living them and by all the talk in thi sort of climate around us it is hard to not be fear ful of the future. However, i guess its like the talk of weight and diets and exercise etc, its important to build up your own self talk and own beliefs and value systems without taking on all these messages as really how do we kow. How do people know how many people will get a permanent job in next 10 years, we cant see the future, thats why faith and trust are there.
I dont know when i stopped worrying as much about what ill do in the future career wise and that ikm not doing enough now, but i do no that all the worry is actually coun ter productive so try to change the focus, remind yourself what an amazing degree you have in both living and in your profession, it will all work out,
Have faith
Butterfly xx
Dearest Chelsea,
Maybe it's time to stop asking the questions? Sit under a tree for a while in silence or walk through a forest and will be more in tune to your inner guidance...
If you are studying to be a doctor, you are already one of the most academically intelligent people! Give your self some slack love... you have done so well already
xx Carolina
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