Disputes

Hi there
Just a short post. I had a "dispute " with my partner last evening. It was one of those silly things that get legs so to speak. I was telling him something and he got distracted by something on TV and lost concentration on what I was saying (which was rivoting of course!). Anyway, when I realised he wasn't listening and in my mind was disrespectful, I was naturally cross/insulted and pointed it out/corrected him. This went on to become a big deal then, he got defensive, started on about how I'm so critical, generalising really and dragging up stuff that was old me , not current me. I started to defend myself but quickly realised that it was a lose lose situation. He was holding on to being cross, couldn't let it go, was holding on in his mind, to the way I used to be towards him(and myself), harsh, critical, perfectionistic, reactive etc.
Anyway he went off to bed in a huff. I attempted to resolve things by thanking him for something else he had done earlier in the day. But got no-where. He just was steaming and needed to be left alone.
This morning then was frosty , in every sense! I was equally cross I have to admit, as he wouldn't resolve things the evening before. I went about my morning as normal, left him stewing.
Over the course of the morning I realised that I was ruminating big time. I had conversations going around and around in my head, getting angry, getting frustrated, getting insulted, over and over in my inner world. I then said to myself , what are you doing Kiz, this is wasted headspace, not helping you or him or recovery. So I told myself to stop obsessing about him and the interaction with him. I emptied my mind of him, ahhhh, empty space, the thoughts popped back, then I pushed them out again, ahhhh empty space, what else could I be thinking about.
I then sent him a text owning my part in the standoff and promising to keep working at being less harsh. I got a thank you text.
Anyway, the point of all this , is that we can get so bogged down in disputes and most of it afterwards in our own heads, but we have to power to empty out our heads, takes effort and repetition, but it was very liberating. It again highlighted to me how much wasted headspace I give to getting hooked in to others stuff. At the end of the day , I had to let go of what was said, let him deal with his own head, stop meddling and most of all set myself free. It would otherwise have led down the road of behaviours and resentment.
kiz