A difficult choice

I have a lot of challenges coming up and so i decided today well it was probly a familiar reaction over the last few days that i was gonna get X in teh shop to fix it, be ready, to cope better. eds version sounded much better than actually facing life and its challenges. so off i went, me and ed into the shop, ed handed over the money and walked out with X in the bag chuffed to bits. but then waiting for the bus home i felt off, guilty, elated but guilty, i could hear the voice of everyone tellin me to go back that i could change what happened, put this right again, choose recovery again. i could hear ed tellin me that i would be makin the biggiest mistake by doing that, that i could finally be perfect thin and in control again. sounds like a stupid thing to be in a panic over but thats life in ed/recovery. sometimes simple decisions that are in favour of health are the most difficult to make.

So i went back in and brought X back. to say i feel guilty is an understatement. but i bough t the most amazing diary for 2012 super positive and full of quotes with the money i spent on X. the right choice doesnt always feel like the easy choice but that what makes me stronger and braver.

i dunno why im posting here maybe casue im anxious after entering the supermarket and going against the ed, and cause of up and coming challenges. even though my head is screaming at me now i know i did the right thing and i deserve to feel good about that but i dont.