Depression

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Wed, 11/01/2012 - 01:03
jojo
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I came across a new book yesterday and took it home today for the dart journey - it was by Tony Bates called 'Coming Through Depression.' I wanted to read it to see if I could understand things in hindsight and help me accept things and me now.

There were a few things about the 'causes' all very general but there were some 'aha' points too.

One was about how without the 'I'm fine facade' we actually let people see us and then we get to experience their love for us.

This is two sided for me: it was very much a 'cause' for me. I maintained this mighty facade of social butterfly, party thrower, goer and all round very bubbly person. I wouldn't even share the smallest snippet of sadness, discontent, irritation. It was an actual prison. I held the key. I know that analogy is so over used but honestly - I held the key.

This in turn made believe no one loved me. No one cared about me.

Hand on my heart the single most defining moment, turning point for me was when I reached out. I was bricking it, literally bricking it. It remains to this day the most important thing I've ever done. Now I just open up (to people I trust) no one is my 'therapist' had one or two friends I tried to 'employ' but that didn't work. Just normal human communication.

Depression isn't a disease in that there's this tumour but it's more a creation from various little lifestyle habits. When the book spoke about childhood neglect etc it meant zero to me - the opening up and previous not opening up meant a lot to me.

It surprises me to this day how much more open I am. At this stage in my recovery I value the openess the most - it tells me I'm worth it, I'm equal, I matter, my feelings matter too, people love me, relationships are pure gold, people are beautiful, I am a friendship billionaire.

It just made me realise that depression results from all the dysfunctional coping or notcoping mechanisms we use for our life. It's not something that cannot be 'cured' - it's something that disappears, vanishes, dissolves when replaced with openess, feelings of self worth, love and reaching out.

I just hope anyone reading who is still afraid to reach out tries to find just one person you can be honest with because for me it has been the biggest, strongest, toughest tool for me in recovery. It's scary to do, it's simple to do, no one rejects you and it is to depression what a plumber is to a leaking toilet.

J xxx

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Wed, 11/01/2012 - 13:09
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georgia
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Haven't read that book, so

Haven't read that book, so can't comment directly. What I can say is that depression, like ED (and often as part of ED), is an incredibly complex issue. So many aspects may be cause or consequence, there are many different drivers be they internal, external, more likely due to genetic or environmental factors...

What I do want to say is that to any ED sufferer reading this, you're not alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Like with ED, often we just have to decide that there is hope because it really doesn't feel like there is. Above all, get help. I have found that a lot of the same techniques which I have used to deal with accute ED episodes (short term) also work with accute depressive episodes. Distraction - TV, films, doing something manual like drawing, puzzles, reading. Often concentration is impossible, so like with ED episodes, don't push too hard. You don't have to read a high minded book - watch an old DVD or soap, mow the lawn...anything that will just get you through the next half hour.

Finally, crying, screaming, punching a pillow and other more physical approaches are a fall back when I just need to feel alive for the next few moments to get beyond this moment.

Just ideas - in the past I found depression a major element of ED and one which hindered any chance of life or recovery. When in depression I lack motivation and am far more afraid of change. Tackle the depression and ED will come along too.

And there is always, always, always hope.

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