Danger

Just to warn you all this is more to do with a realisation....it may not be full with the hope and positivity you might wish for but , at least, for me its opening the door to a long but achievable tunnel that ends in light.
So here i am home in the door at just before 10 and there's a danger i may start a binge. Granted i didn't have the most perfect day nutritionally...it started well, very well in fact but after some bad news it went rapidly downhill. Went of the tracks totally in a sugar and chocolate induced haze...after a little marino time i managed to pull it out of the bag slightly and had a reasonable dinner (ok so it wasnt as big as is perhaps ideal but it was on the go and i feel i made the best choice givem the circumstance). Now I'm home and I'm tired but not hungry (though I'm sure there are some who would say I don't know what hunger is and they are probably right) but either way i have eaten an evening meal and Im opening the fridge door to put in the shopping and I spot a very rich luxurious but good quality savoury meal- not my usual style. So i stand there picking at it with my fingers, no no chair table nice setting for me pick pick pick mindlessly. I almost finish it realise I'm begining to feel quesy and leave it. I go start doing other things and then think ooo it would have been so much better hot as thats how its mean to be served. so off i go heat it up and finish it.(Blasted condition likes to convince me grass is greener). Now i may be boring you majorly with the details but i'v got to get it out.
The danger is now i may now swing out of control run a kitchen marathon and end up bent double (in pain as thankfully I'v managed to curb one nasty behavior)as I spent much of the afternoon.
BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'v decided I will not do this. It may be late and I may have done somehting silly but I've not shot someone tomorrow still exists and I don't want to write off the morning. I will resist. and i know I can because today or at least recently I've made the realisation its up to me to fight it not others. And i Will. Jack Russel style . i'll play tougher than it expects. It might think its got a grasp of me but not any more....F offffff.......!
And I'm going to give myself loads of credit for writing this and a self hug.I'll be less tired tomo cos I'v gone to bed at an ok hour and I'll have more energy to fight the bugger. My body's too good to put crap in it. But i will put the good stuff in it that it needs.Life's waay too short not to .
Apologises if this bored you ...i tend to rant a lot but thanks anyway I needed to get this down.
Ciao!