Confusion & Feeling

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Fri, 27/01/2012 - 23:57
eils
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Joined: 13/07/2010
Iceberg Positivity: 83
2

Today well I dont know how I am , all I know is that I am very confused & as I write this post I nearly wish I wasn't feeling anything, but I am feeling, I now feel bloody well everything - I am no longer numb.
I am confused & feeling because I have come a long, long way in my recovery journey, I am not far off, there are still a few hurdles I have yet to cross and at this moment these seem the most difficult thing in the world
I got so overwhelmed with work today & tried my best to keep myself calm but I caved in, I gave in to condition & compromised myself & my recovery (again)!!

So I draw a line (again!!) and leave it there in the past - its done, I've already wasted my precious time & energy this evening giving out to myself for this - that is not going to get me anywhere, I well know this from experience so I let it go now. I let it go and I trust,
I trust that I am in the right place, doing the right thing at the right time.

And just to mess with the condition even more (and probably my own head), I agreed to meet a mate 2morr 4 a coffee, previously would never have arranged something like this so quickly after giving into condition, I would have let the body images issues/fears/lies/bullsh**t of condition talk me out of not going
So again I will trust, trust that I am in the right place, doing the right thing at the right time.

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Sat, 28/01/2012 - 01:34
#1
Niamh2
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Joined: 27/12/2011
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Drawing a line

Well done you,you ARE in the right place at the right time doing the right thing.I think its super that you are meeting a friend for coffee,use your precious time with this friend to be kind to yourself.You are back on the(sometimes bumpy)road to recovery again. You can do this,I know it is very strange sometimes to go from numb to like ye said feeling bloody everything.Though like you said you are not far off and I bet when you think of how far you have come,that you know in your heart of hearts yo can manage those last few hurdles,so give yourself the credit you deserve,be kind to yourself,

sending you a big hug,
Niamh

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