changes
Hi there
So here I am on a Monday morning, at work and full day ahead. I did alot of sessions/carework over w/e and am full of resolve for the coming week. Therapists and careworkers alike all saying, I'm ready, prove it to myself, let go of behaviours, they serve no purpose anymore, you have enough knowledge, you're more than capable. Last night it all seemed possible and I felt strong and motivated. This am is a whole other story. I have my recovery food all prepared and started on the right foot, but I also have my gym bag, thought of restricting and alot of fears creaping in.
Condition is saying, not yet, how will you cope if you don't use behaviours, I feel scared and vulnerable. Family says they are on board but their actions show otherwise as they continue their own unhelful behaviours. I really want to break the pattern this week. It would be such a release after alot of sheer hard slog getting to this point. Maybe I'm putting myself under too much pressure, but if I don't put a bit, nothing changes and I keep staying stuck and in my comfort zone.
So keep the day short in my mind, just deal with now, the morning. Thats all I can do. I'm scared though and in a way more scared that I'll chicken out and do my usual Monday, more fuel then for condition then through the, "failure, coward, hopeless" thoughts.
Anyone online this am with ideas!
kiz
kizzy well done and wanting to be rid of the behaviors and you will.im behavior free now and i swear it is worth it its challenging and tough but worth it. i took it minute by minute hour by hour at first its only a moment and the feeling will pass and it does and if it dosnt its ok you just start again minute by minute hour by hour but give it your all you are fighting a monster and you will be free of them.be an inspiration to your family ignore what they do if possible focus on you for now, save yourself first you are number one kizzy.
try not to think of it as pressure think of this as a challenge and this worked for me i love a challenge :)watch the words/lingo were speaking a new language the language of freedom :)
you are not a failure nor a coward or hopeless you are an inspiration to others you are a fighter.
YOU CAN DO IT WE ALL CAN :) X X
i cant offer advise kizzy but i can say you have inspid me today. i go from not caring about behaviours as in wanting them to be gone/ seeing a problem, to wondering how life would be without them. but you both helped me focus more on the recovery part today, on the possible freedom that could be there for me if i was brave enough to stick out the shite codition throws at me, and the uncomfortableness. instead of aiming for being free of them i have decided to focus on being a little bit freer and happier, less pressure but also a way to move away from rules and rituals.
Well done, Kiz, well well well well done...
If you don't feel able yet to give yourself the credit for this master huge jump, then I'll help you with that.
Because this is GREAT and it gives me a big smile, I feel very proud of you and underneath your lines I CAN read that you are feeling the current of a small victory and excitement, even though you think it is stress and vulnerability and condition.
Excitement and stress can feel very similar, they both create a rush of adrenaline...
It is only the thinking that actually gives the feeling meaning. And remember what...? You are the master of your mind, you have just proven that already.
Well done, allow yourself to feel elated and excited with this Monday victory. Kick-ass condition Monday. You are so much stronger than that lousy little want-to-be monster!!!!!
Love and a big hug and high five!!!
xxx Robin xxx
Thank you.
kiz
Hey Kiz,
just came across this post from Elmo and an extract that I'll quote here for you:
Self-compassion and love when facing the challenge of change:
LOVE: acknowledge that you deserve health and happiness and you're worth the effort it takes to make the positive change...remind yourself how the change you're making supports your well-being.
COMPASSION: without judgement, recognise how the habit you're trying to change creates stress (including habit of being hard on yourself). Then acknowledge your desire to be free from the suffering.
JOY: Give yourself lots and lots of credit for and celebrate any positive actions you've taken to support yourself in this change.
(Thanks to Elmo for the great post on self-compassion)
xxx Robin xxx
tank u for bringin up dis topic. i reali needed this to be pointed out. i have loads of knowledge and awareness but each time i tackle it the restrictin and controllin creaps in and then i question and feel bad. i hate it. I
look foward to overcomin it but i guess that fear is stil there. i just want to get rid and be FREE
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Thanks guys for the replies
Well today condition free so far and in a way I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I "should" be saying how great it is and credit to me and all that, but the reality is that I chose to defy conditions demands and rituals and here I am at 3pm and for me I've broken the day, but I feel upset and scared, panicky. It's hard to take credit when every cell of my being is screaming no. Condition for me has most demands earlier in the day, there's an element of "too late now" after that and so it eases a tad.
So part of me is excited that for the first time in very many years, I defied condition and stuck to my resolve re nutrition and did zero exercise, as in zero, not a sneaky bit, not walking a bit too long or a bit too fast, I just chose to do nothing. I'm flooded now with regret, I'm back at work, cannot do any now and feel very vulnerable. For me to have succeeded like this on a Monday, is huge, I can't describe how huge, but this is a big two fingers to condition. I feel like a lamb squaring up to the big bad wolf. Maybe tomorrow condition will be the lamb!
kiz