challenging a bad day

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Sun, 25/07/2010 - 17:00
XXXMLXXX
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Joined: 18/07/2010
Iceberg Positivity: 41
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i know the ed does nt want me posting because im sitting here on the bus for the last hour wanting to say something but not knowing what to say .. its kind of like the ed has been sayin dont post .. u dont deserve to but i think deep down i really want to so i apologise for this post not reslly goin anywhere but today i think i have realised how important affirmations are..

i have been havin a bad day and i think the ed is just really strong today.. all day i have been questioning everything in my recoveryand about who i am .. am i a failure .. what am i doing?? where am i going?? am i doin enough.. will it ever be enough?? what do i want from recovery? can anyone identify with this.. ?? now i really understand negativity because today i am ouestioning everything and feelin so guilty and useless.. but .. i decided to get out my affirmations and look thru them.. and somehow started to rationalize alll my thoughts and asked my mom to sit down with me.. it really helped to get things out but the thing is i dont even know wht i want to get out.. but i think its the ed tryin to keep everything in.. the freckin thing can be so strong.. oh my gosh..

it really sucks becsuse b4 i got serious about ed i always thoght if i really wanted recovery it would be simple but now that im actually trying i reaalise how hard it is? i am just so fed up at the moment and would appreciate anyones tips or even similiar situations.. today will pass.. tomo is a new day.. i feel a bit better even now just writing something

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Tue, 27/07/2010 - 13:00
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Robin
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questioning ed instead of recovery...

Hi there...

Well done, I'm delighted to read through your strong, determined, ed-fighting post. Yes, this condition with its focus on negativity is truly complex and challenging. You are giving it a great battering here, and your awareness is amazing, fighting the thoughts when they come, even if it doesn't work yet every time, it is a great start.
I have experienced similar situations in the past, especially with this constant doubting and questioning everything to do with recovery...a typical trick of the condition.
But have you every thought about questioning the other way round?
Now, honestly... Why not start questioning the condition and related behaviours instead? This is something that helped me at times of great doubt...asking:
Well, why NOT recover? What does this condition really give my, does it, in any way or form, contribute to my happiness and health?

In a way you have just done this when you decided to take out your affirmations and rationalise your thoughts, well done, big pat on the back. Instead of feeding your mind with negative affirmations, feed it with positive ones, the result will be so much better, lighter, happier...

Keep it up, my dear, be patient, it'll take its time, but it is so so worth it!!!

Love,
xxx Robin xxx

~~ "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...it became a butterfly..." ~~

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