Birthday
its my birthday 2day and im sooo emotional. i cant stop cryin and al i want to do is b alone. no matter what mam suggests my answer is no. i dont want anyting i dont want to do anyting but f**k it ive booked myself in for a massage later, im after been out in a nice park and on the way home i bought myself some nice dark chocolate. Im 19 still fresh and young i might add and im not living like this no more. im more ready than i realise. i keep tinkin of the things that i have to do in recovery and believing im not ready but thats not me thats the condition makin me believe that so il stay stuck.
fitzy xx
Dearest Fitzy,
First of all, Happy Birthday to you. Birthdays are very emotional, sometimes we do not even no why straight away, just all of a sudden this wave of emotion. You are so right when you say you are more ready then you believe. You have the strength to make decisions for yourself, remember you are not stuck, you are just preparing to take that leap from "knowing" to "feeling".Fair play to you going out and booking that massage for yourself, that was a decision you made for Fitzy not condition, just focus on making more of these and building up the strength behind them.
Trust you have the strength to make decisions for Fitzy, and trust you are now making the decision to believe you have the strength to move forward.
Embrace your birhday,
Jacqueline xxx
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! You're just a bit older than me, I'll also get 19 this year:-)
Yeah, birthdays can be pretty emotional....maybe because they feel a bit like little milestones in our lives, and therefore the appear very 'special', 'important' days which makes us feel different than on other days and which can become too much...I don't know, it's weird, really;)
But I'm so proud of you that you booked this massage - it will do you good and you deserve it!!
Here is a little fun thing for you which might cheer you up a bit - 2012 will be wonderful year for you, trust yourself and recovery:-)
http://www.horoscopes-love.eu/aquarius-2012-horoscope.php
xxx
Rose
Dearest fitzy,
I feel so sorry for you, what a stupid and messy day!! I can imagine you must be feeling awful:-(
I'm sorry that the massage didn't work out....but still, I'm so proud of you that you tried to make yourself feel better by doing these things and I think even if they didn't help you today, it's still such an achievement you TRIED and you should give yourself credit for it!! They will have done you some good in a way, even if you can't see it (Have a look at the iceberg motto)
My day wasn't a very happy one either...but look: the day isn't over yet, all unhappy things that happened lie in the past now and it's in YOUR power to stop all the negative feelings which want to destroy this beautiful day for you...you can still make the best of what's left of today! You are stronger than you think you are fitzy, don't let anything interfere with your powerful, unique beautiful self!!
How about cuddling up with a warm blanket, nice cup of tea or hot chocolate on the sofa and watch one of your favourite films....maybe you could even invite your mum to join you....tell her how awful you've been feeling today, she's your mum, she'll understand!! That she reacted upset is probably because she is worried or insecure about how to deal with the fact that you're so unhappy on your birthday...Surely she only wants you to be happy.
Don't be upset or sad if this day wasn't what you would've wanted it to be...it's okay to have days like these - even if it's your birthday! There are so many more wonderful days for you to enjoy...don't let this one day upset you! Sometimes we have to endure these hard days in order to have better ones.
Don't give up fitzy!
Lots of Love
xxx
Rose
Hi Fitzy
Happy birthday!
I think sometimes we build up an image of a 'perfect' day and when things dont go according to plan the negative thinking takes over and makes mountains out of molehills! Might be worth trying the HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) concept.
Why not try to think of at least one positive thing that happened today? - for example people who wished u a happy birthday, etc
Most importantly give yourself plenty credit for specking out and expressing how u feel this shows how strong u are.
A big birthday hug
cherry xx
just like to say tank you ever so much for your strong words ans yes HALT was part of it. i did go for the massage after i even went out for a bite to eat in a restaurant with my mam and sister afterwards and i truely enjoyed it. i finished my day with what I wanted.
xx
Delighted to hear the day turned out well for you Fitzy:)
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i thought by doing them things for myself would help me but my mood is stil the same just had a fight with ma and she gone off. such a birthday im having sitting here in this cause there is no1 here for me. the massage aint even happenin for me now . i want this day to pass.
fitzy