For anyone in doubt about whether they have an ED
I was just thinking this morning of people who are really in limbo as to whether they are suffering from an ED or not and hope this sheds some light on this topic.
If you are wondering whether or not you are suffering from Eating Distress, have a look at what is what is going on in your mind.
Are you are obsessed with food from morning to night? It doesn’t matter about behaviour (you might binge, binge/purge, binge/overexercise, neer binge but purge, and any other combination of behaviours – note, you might have no behaviours but control the urges, or you might not even have urges!) If food is what you think about all the time, then you are suffering from Eating Distress.
How do you get free from these obsessive thoughts and the behaviours related to them? Know that it is all about the personality/identity although it may not always look like that.
Sometimes sufferers are socially brilliant whilst others may feel completely paralysed and never go out at all. One can be fabulously clever and creative whilst at the same time feeling such a deep deep sense of emptiness inside, so oppressive that a person is unable to do anything but (isolate themselves and) eat.
This emptiness in ED sufferers is real. It is as if there is a real hole in one’s centre, as if a person remained at the baby stage – the stage where the only possible comfort is food. This is accompanied by the feeling of being that one is completely alienated even from those closest to them.
Most of the time a person wants nothing – just to eat and sleep in order to forget how incomplete they feel.
How do you recover from emptiness?
Food, alcohol, drugs, medication can be used to numb, but the suffering created by these “solutions” become quickly unbearable.
Besides none of these “drugs” can really fill the void. They just provide a quick moment of respite from it. To “fix” it, it needs to be filled with ONESELF which implies a person needs to be real instead of pretending. A person needs to go in search of themselves and find out who they really are,, what they want, how to express whatever they need to express in a loving way. Only then will this feeling of emptiness, of obsession with food and behaviour disappear.
If you are a sufferer, if possible, get into therapy. It will save you a lot of time – and considering the amount of suffering – it will definitely be a good investment.
Make sure that your therapy is helping you “how to become real, here and now” without ruminating on childhood difficulties. Even if you have had a “heavy story”, the origin of the problem goes back to a time which is too early for memory to remember. This tends to be the case with “ED personalities”.
The only therapies which are really effective are those which don’t let you take escape into intellectual ramblings, but those which encourage you to grow into yourself through relationship with another (or others) right now in the present no matter what stage of your life you are in.
And if it’s not possible to go into therapy right now, use the website where you can find tips to help you start building an inner life for yourself.
Love and blessings
mr xxx
I think this post is great and will help a lot of people. I know for me even still I doubt some days if I am wasting peoples time, fooling others and myself.
What is helping me is this and maybe they may help others.
Group: things seem normal at home then I see others so or say or think same as me and suddenly my normal becomes a disease of the mind that ravages the body health and life we live and any relationships or dreams in its path.
Despite not feeling good enough for a place in treatment and help of so many wonderful people, whether its thin enough, sick enough, sick at all, cry enough, angry enough whatever.... I push on. Some days I don’t achieve much nutritionally but I will write or listen to a positive song, or do some meditation. I see now all those things are recovery too. I do them anyway despite the Ed saying it’s a waste of time or I don’t need to.
I remind myself that ‘im fine’ stands for ‘F***** up, insecure, neurotic, emotional’. Or when I say it I really feel a war inside, someone inside screaming silently NO im not im unhappy I need help I wish I could just say that im not ok and not lie again and again. ‘Im okay’ for me is another version of im fine! Some may mean it when they are for me they where lies.
C once said to me that if I didn’t have Ed then I would have been told so and would not have a therapist, nutritionist, & doctor. I would have healthy bloods and be happy. Ya can’t argue with that too much.
I thought people where jealous. Correction as pointed out today. Normal people are not willing to die to be thin enough, they don’t starve for fear of gaining weight or breaking a rule, the scales is a piece of metal and the mirror a piece of glass. People may say they would like to be thinner that they are on this diet or that but in a few days they stop it and they still like themselves and are good people. Ed is extreme. No one admire Ed no one would got the lengths we do you copy us or get there own. I remember comments and concern and see it as concern and people caring about me now.
Am I happy? Truth no. Therefore I need help maybe I don’t always see myself as sick but I do know I struggle with emotions, coping, trusting myself, believing in myself, eating, being in my body, communicating, stopping and starting exercise etc even if on some days I cant possibly have ed I see these things. And I can admit these things now. And that is as I see it now more - ed. yes food and weight is an issue but I have so many things that aren’t to do with that I have problems with. The more you push on the more you see its all emotional distress.
Yesterday I had possibility the best session ever, as always she can hit the nail on the head and there is no room for squirming out of questions something I hated but am so grateful for now. She asked me 'why do I need proof I have Ed? Why do I need a label?'... My answers where all over the shop im not sure why now, the label thing yes I know why and thanks to that eye opening session I now have some real issues to work through. I feel much less lost and waffley and lost for words than I have the last while (one reason I thought I was suddenly recovered!). She said to me after there is no need to have proof none at all. Simple words that shock my Ed and shock me back to reality.
Trust. I see more how I see the world myself and my habits or thoughts so differently than others. I regret not trusting my team earlier on for been so resistant for so long, for all the pushing and for all the times I pushed and let the ed take over thinking that’s what I wanted. But I have time and a very patient group of ppl who have not given up on me and now im ready to trust. From experience and from the outside they can see what’s going on. And so far they have not been wrong. We might disagree on something’s but its good to have an opinion. For so long I trusted voices and thoughts, I was so afraid to trust and be let down again. But ppl can surprise you and be there for you. Sounds simple but this realisation had been huge and life changing for me.
Honesty: without the illusion, the lies, the games are you really happy? I have to ask myself this a lot. I used to deny I knew better and believe it! And argue it to ppl. I never won ha. But now those lies are lonely. Without the illusion, the lies and the games I am not happy. Therefore that happy feeling is not real happiness but an illusion that lasts only seconds before depression comes crashing down. That is Ed.
Am I living in fear or living a full life? Self honestly is the first step for me before I make progress and the honesty nearly takes more courage. So even if my action fails or goes a***ways I can still be proud of me.
Do I compare? Judge others on looks? Worry about sizes; get anxious in social situations in clothes shops or supermarkets? Can i give my opinion in a group of people? Am I really free? Am I really happy with me...
What made me go to therapy and ill be honest was that I did not want to live anymore, this feeling lasted a very long time, I have spent so many years wanting to die I lost years of my life. I remember waking up and suddenly thinking god look at me I eat different I act diff noone else lives in the gym like me... yes some pride but a deep sadness. I wasn’t sure I had a problem I just knew I was afraid to eat and ate diff to ppl. That may have been my first words to my therapist I think I cant remember but I remember thinking that once upon a time. My point is if you plan your funeral in your dreams, if you sleep to forget the day then that’s not normal. That’s what keeps me in recovery the hope that I can wake up happy to be alive and curious or excited about the day ahead, planning trips or nights out fun things! And fit in not feel weird all the time.
Am I happy with who I am and if I was ok would I want to change every part of me and who I am?
Am I empty inside, do I have a voice that contradicts every positive thought or thing I see or idea I have or others have. Is hearing someone tell me something nice about me the only time I hear something positive in my head?
I could go on these are some signs for me that I need help and also help me see its more than food or weight. When I thought solely in food and weight I was convinced I was in therapy for being overweight, not to get healthy. You wont see a problem aka and ED (the flawed perception/body image, a malnourished mind will not see what others do) you only see flaws that Ed points out to fix if that makes sense. Now I see its so much more and I have had to begin rebuilding every aspect of my life. I know mirrors crack and the cracks remain but the work I do can heal the cracks in the life I see if I keep going despite and fears and doubts and confusion. Time heals time provides clarity once I keep going!
Am I happy with who I am and if I was ok would I want to change every part of me and who I am?
Sorry I hope this relates to your post it was meant to but I just kept going :P it actually really helped me too :)
Dora xxxxxxx
Marie Ros u sound like such an amazing insightful wise person..for me therapy always bought me back to tell u the truth ended up more traumatising then ever i felt before..i got scared, uncertain, full of hate and anger all which fed ed, not ended it...i do feel i need to go forward but iv been unwell for 16 years ..im single, alone, not working and dont have a family who can deal with an emotionally struggling adult..they just have no time or patience..im afraid to trust and behaviours keep me isolated, yet i struggle to stop them, friends i tried to explain to thought i was "mad"..im in the west of ireland and there no support groups and i guess im lonely and scared..and dont know what to do or where to start in the development of me...
Hi Niki
I really empathise with you. Maybe sometimes therapy can be traumatic because it brings up things we'd rather keep submerged and not look at or deal with. We turn to Ed to avoid things we think we can't cope with, to bury emotions, out of fear, out of despair and desperation
Something Louise Hay says is that it doesn't matter whether you are living in a mansion or a homeless selter, you can make positive changes from where-ever you are.
Have you see her video "You Can Heal Your Life" it's on youtube. have a look and tell us what you think or if you found anything helpful why not share it, repeat it, reinforce it.
So many people go to unsuitable practitioners before they find an ED specialist - there is so little understanding or training in Ireland and we can get lost and feel like hopeless cases. But this is not the case. There are so many examples of hope and full recovery - people who thought they would be the ones who would not recover.
The cycle of the condition and the isolation a huge obstacle but the resistance to the pain is worse than the pain itself. Maybe you could try to come to one Tuesday group at Marino - lots of people travel from (and have travelled over the years) from really far out places Cork, Donegal, Sligo etc. - I myself did as well & I got totally addicted to the positive energy, inspiration and support I found at the group.
There is also a therapist in Limerick - maybe ring the centre and see what your options are. You will not regret embarking on recovery. you can 100% recover with the right guidance but you cannot do it alone
Hi Niki
My recovery journey began when there were no successful therapy centres for ED and the first person I went to for help told me that there was nothing could be done for me!!! Add that to my already nil sense of worth and self-esteem! I had about 5 of these experiences before finding somewhere that worked along similar lines to the Marino; I still wasn't fully recovered when I finished there though and then found the Marino through which I was able to find full freedom and recovery from the ED.
My point is that I couldn't recover on my own and would love to have had somewhere like the Marino in those dark days in the midst of the ED, so that it didn't consume 30 years of my life. There now is help out there and I want to encourage you to do all that you can to find and access that help. It may mean making some difficult decisions or making sacrifices but YOU ARE WORTH IT! As Joanna Poppink says in her youtube clip about her new book 'Healing Your Hungry Heart' the skills and qualities it takes to maintain an ED are incredible - strength, creativity, determination, conscientiousness, ability to strategise, ability to balance life and ED at the same time - take all this and use it to find a source of help that will work for you and then move all these skill over into your recovery world. Exciting, eh! in the mean time as the others have said, use Iceberg as a source of huge support. Paula
PAULA AND FAERIE CAKE TANK U BOTH SO MUCH FOR your positive suggestions and kind words ..i am in cork and there are no support groups here which i would love to be a part... of a place where happiness, health and recovery were priorities and goals for all regardless of where they are in life right now..i do beleive recovery is a seed that needs to be planted and nourised from help , suppport and understanding from therapists and others on the same road watever the place they are on it...thank you both so much for been so great and i truly mean that i appreciate you all xxx
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