Body Image/Body Acceptance

i have been contempleting writing something on this issue for a few days but didnt know was it insane of me thinkin this. over the last few weeks i have realised or come to the learning that i am at the stage where i dont have the value of thinness anymore.. i know it sounds ridiculous and plesae tell me if it does but it makes it harder because now im realisising that its not about the foodor weight but the control because since realising this it has not got easier but somewhat harder because im startin to question why the hell am i going thru all this torture if i dont value thinness..

I guess i shall start with the title Obsessing. I cannot stop obsessing about food, weight and thinness. I have come so far in recovery and yet it is this area where I am completely stumped. I realised this yesterday whilst in work. There is a girl in work who I am pretty sure has got ED. And I want to help her alot but at the same time I am envious and jealous of her. I look at how thin she is and I want that. It made me realise that I still hold the value of thiness as so important to me.

just thought i might share a little bit of irony with you all... when i was deep in the condition i was controlling every single crumb that went into my mouth, counted every calorie and burned off every teeny weeny bit of energy i had left after all that!
The goal was being skinny. Staying the same jean size, never letting my body naturally develop in fear of the UNTHINKABLE: gaining weight.

I found this online too right now i use it for bad body days when i want her legs or her arms or her face or also her laugh and sense of humour or her fashion style or just to be her anyone else but me...

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Smash the scales, break the plates, shred the tape- anything that is a method of measure or balance to how you compare to anyone else.