Faerie Cake's blog

on Aging

Submitted by Faerie Cake on Mon, 13/12/2010 - 11:51

Rosebud's post reminded me of when I was in baby infants. I used to look at all the girls and boys who were 7 with such envy. I thought they must be so happy, so made up with themselves, I thought they must feel so confident; that they must walk around knowing that everyone wants to be seven.

Seven was the age of adulthood for me. I'd get to wear a wedding dress for my Communion & my Granny told me that God doesn't let children taste the bread; the holy Communion. God decided that when you are 7 you are big enough,adult enough to have it & that's why you need to wait.

A strong mind

Submitted by Faerie Cake on Sun, 12/12/2010 - 20:33

Throughout my life what has always got me where I wanted to was the power of directing my mind. I consciously made an effort to keep repeating and cementing my priorities; & then when I had decided where my priorities lay (which is never really very hard) I had to constantly remind myself to stay committed to them

F.ull R.ecovery E.xists for E.veryone

Submitted by Faerie Cake on Sat, 04/12/2010 - 03:47

What I'd like to say about Marino

When I first came to Marino I had been suffering from an ED for a number of years. I was barely a teenager. I felt like nothing! What was worse than feeling like nothing was the feeling of being outside the world. No one understood me, no one liked me, no one cared about me. I thought feeling nothing was even worse than the bone crushing feeling of loneliness and being bad and wrong and betrayed and destroyed that drove me into the ED in the first place.

Some things I feel are important

Submitted by Faerie Cake on Sat, 04/12/2010 - 02:33

Some things I feel are important

There is always a choice

OK so sometimes let's face it, life can be stressful, tough... hard whatever
If the situations is not ideal
There is always something you can DO about it

If there is nothing you can do about it => if the roads are icy, if it's 8pm but you want it go back to being midday, if you've an essay due in tomorrow but you'd prefer it was due in next week, if your boss is the most negative person in the world...whatever it is.... if you can't change it
dwelling about it for the next 10 years, 10 minutes etc.won't change it either

A different Christmas

Submitted by Faerie Cake on Sat, 27/11/2010 - 23:43

I wrote this a few years ago. With Christmas coming up I thought I root it out

Dear condition

I just don’t have the interest in you anymore. I know that the times we had were good and exciting but it’s just not the same. I don’t look forward to you, I don’t want you, I barely ever even think about you.

One Moment

Submitted by Faerie Cake on Sun, 14/11/2010 - 00:50

How significant is one moment?

You are only one moment away from a decision to walk out of the condition
You are only ever one choice away from freedom
YOu are only ever one moment away from a new memory
You are only ever one moment away from the photograph that sits inside your camera for longer than that moment lasts
You are only ever one moment away from writing something that captures your consciousness in one moment

It is the moments that, collected together take us to recovery
The moment we decide "this is enough"
The moment we decide "I'm tired of it"

Dealing with LIFE grrrr!!!!

Submitted by Faerie Cake on Fri, 29/10/2010 - 17:34

so I've not being having a great time of it lately...

I've become increasingly frustrated & very much not myself. Life is not the worst but I know the way I have felt over last couple of weeks is... frustrated, uncomfortable, anxious, determined to be difficult & awkward with certain people, stubborn, uncommitted, verging on helpless.

I've been feeling "what is going on?" & I get sucked into the whirlpool of thoughts about everything that is not working/not ideal...I'm focusing on things that make me feel angry & frustrated.. I've been predicting the future with terrorising results

Where to find what you are looking for

Submitted by Faerie Cake on Mon, 25/10/2010 - 14:36

When I was in the condition I wrote this..maybe you can relate

"I always think it will be better somewhere else but I can't believe this anymore.
I know it is a belief that will keep me away from ever finding contentment where I am. It is something inside my head that will never allow me to be alive.

I will keep waiting until I find the perfect place. I will keep saying "if I was over there, it would be better!!! If I was at home... If I was away... If I lived in a perfect location that met all my needs...NO!!!!!!