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normality

Hey all

something came up in a session this week that I have been thinking about alot. What is normal? I have been so obssed with how my body should look and comparing it to other people and saying 'that is a normal body, I want that', but truly what does normal even mean. If I get my body to look like that person, then Im not happy with it, still saying that it isn't normal. But then on the other hand, if I stopped all the behaviours then I really would be normal, yet that thought disgusts. So I feel like Im caught between two things where I want to look normal, like everybody else but then at the same time, if I stop behaviours I would be more like other people yet I hate that idea.

Does anybody else feel like this sometimes. Is 'being normal' such a bad thing. Do we have to be exceptional all the time, because lets face it, its pretty tiring trying to be what Ed voice tells us we should be. And then I made a list of some of the things that I like in the world and realised that they were normal things that I don't appreciate because Im so busy listening to my ED voice and trying to be 'normal' according to what that voice tells me.

I hope all this makes some sense and that everybody had a good Paddy's day.

Amanda
xxx

Comments

Re robin

Submitted on March 19th, 2010

Hi Robin just wanted to say thanks a mil for that post bcoz atm i'm completly ingrainded in numbers sizes everything you said there summed it up and especially then comparing to others and its just such tortoure being locked in your head with only sizes and numbers in your life and depending your worth on it.I've been having a difficult time lately and you have just gave me a bit of hope i think i really needed it bcoz i know i want this no matter how much i fight with myself and others that i dont and i want to give up and just clinging onto the condtion i know i want a free life somewhere in me even when i dont admit it or believe its possible for me - somewhere in me even if it doesnt come out that much or isnt that big wants all this freedom and life and i know i will probably read this post 2mo and cringe at how riduclous i was or how i was bluffing and all other reasons but for now i really thank you!

Focus on HOPE...

Submitted on March 20th, 2010

Hello my dear...

How wonderful, what a powerful reply, I am impressed.
You already show such awareness, don't play yourself small.
You know, the condition is so used to latch on, not only numbers, but also any kind of negative statement...
You are so much more!!!
But see, you are already setting your feet up for a trip towards recovery, in reading on iceberg, in writing, fantastic!!!
Keep phrases like...
..."bcoz i know i want this"...
...and...
..."somewhere in me even if it doesnt come out that much or isnt that big wants all this freedom and life"...
These phrases came, belief it or not, FROM YOUR OWN FINGERS...
Magnify the positive, put a stop sign up for the negative...
The condition is a dirty old liar, it is deadly poison in form of words and false negative beliefs.

The GOOD MESSAGE is:
There is HOPE,
because FULL RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE,
and IT IS POSSIBLE FOR EVERYONE...no matter what...

You too can, step by step, learn to change your focus and begin to look at HOPE.
However, ed is a very nasty, mean and really dangerous condition and recovery does also require professional input as well and medical check-up. Please keep this in mind.

Love and support,
xxx Robin xxx

~~ "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...it became a butterfly..." ~~

Normal

Submitted on March 19th, 2010

I agree melanie, I am normal but the ed is not nornmal so I guess I all I need to do it have me stronger then the ED. I have made to the point where I know there is me and the ED but it is hard to fight off the ed I have been fighting on and off since I was 17 and I am 35. ED is so powerful. I was once told just stop binging and perging just stop.......... If only that was so easy. Just stop smoking! Just stop Drinking! Just stop doing drugs! So I look at it like this I am 30% normal and 70% ED. little by little I will just stop.

Thanks for listening!
Sunflowerpower

Hello my lovely

Submitted on March 19th, 2010

Hello my lovely Sunflower...

I feel, I want to share a wonderful tool with you here, a tool that helped me finally turn fully towards recovery, a tool that in the beginning I didn't really take seriously, but now, recovered, I see that it was one of the most important tools to fight this ed condition. And yet, in a way, it is very simple...
YOU are YOU, always and forever, YOU ARE YOU, YOU are not ed, but 100% YOU. You are not a number either, you are simply you...

You know, the condition has this tendency to want to control everything, lock you into shackles, keep you stuck in one and the same mode of looking at the world...and constantly comparing yourself with others, when in fact, YOU ARE ALREADY PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE, YOU ARE UNIQUE AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!

And the best way to control is though numbers!!
Any kind of numbers, like
age, weight, size of clothes, calories, years fighting the condition, grades, bank accounts, money, ....
Oh, how the condition loves numbers, and even better, it latches on other peoples numbers as well and starts comparing... oh, a feast for the condition...

So what I learned on my way to freedom was to FREE MYSELF OF NUMBERS, because I AM MUCH MORE WORTH THAN ANY KIND OF NUMBER!
And I learned to concentrate on..
THE POSITIVE
THE LIFE
THE DREAMS
THE HOPE
and THE FACT THAT
EVERYBODY, YES EVERYBODY CAN FULLY RECOVER AND BE FREE.

Ah, what relief this was, to learn that numbers were just chains and shackles of the condition, and that I could stop using numbers and become a follower of freedom.

You too can fully and completely recover, never lose HOPE, dear Sunflower!!

Love and support,
xxx Robin xxx

~~ "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...it became a butterfly..." ~~

You are UNIQUE in your own normality...

Submitted on March 19th, 2010

Hello my dear Amanda,

Oh you make total sense, your awareness and realisation is amazing, I am absolutely with you...
Being NORMAL is...BEING YOU... something that is a really wonderful part of recovery...

When I read your post I thought of a beautiful clip that was here on iceberg a while ago...really inspirational. This link should lead you to it, it is the first one of the clips you will find there (which doesn't mean that you can't enjoy watching the others as well):
http://www.eatingdisorderselfhelp.com/inspiration-recovery

Always remember... YOU ARE UNIQUE, and so is everybody else!!!
And thus, if you feel other people are "normal" SO ARE YOU.
YOUR UNIQUENESS IS YOUR VERY OWN NORMALITY!!!!
How amazing is that?!?!?!

Love and support to you,
xxx Robin xxx

~~ "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...it became a butterfly..." ~~

Robin

Submitted on May 14th, 2010

I want to say that who ever you are Robin you are AWESOME!  I read your post and replies and I think that you are a person who I would want to know be around.  You words are kind, wise, and from the heart.  Thanks for all  your words of wisdom

Sunflower.

dont worry

Submitted on March 18th, 2010

hi,

i feel like this sometimes,but dont worry its important to remember that you want to recover and be a normal body size thats healthy for you,Ed will keep telling you that its not what you want,but what i always say to myself is'its anorexia not me'and that helps me distinguish that we are two completely differnt people!!

hope it helped
melanie