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help

I'm sick of pretending pretending things are fine that i can manage this all on my own.... i am scared recently i can't see the light as clearly. i've been working and working at recovery but today and yesterday i'm finding it tough which is fueling the negativity self doubt.

Could someone help please direct me forward i want to recover but right now i'm just feeling so apathetic i have no motivation the future full recovery seems lik light years away and i'm having difficulty just accepting where i am.... and when i don't accept where i am i can't take the baby steps to get where i want to go..

I know all this intellectually but why can't i put this theory into action?

Comments

Hiya,   So often  feel

Submitted on May 15th, 2010

Hiya,

 

So often  feel like this, like i ahve all the answers and theory so why only do i listen to the advice after a session or group, why arent i implementing as much when i have had a few days off from a session. Well one thing is that i have a choice, i have the choice to listen to the condition voices or to my own. Yesterday for me was a huge example i was playing cat and mouse with the condition voices but i wrote them down, at the end of the day i wrote down both voices and i could see the pain and destruction in condtion voices, the guilt which is unnecessary, the shoulds, u see i beleive when we begin to recover the condition fights back and it will seem louder, but the more we listen to OUR voice the smaller these others will become. So can u look forward to this?? Get excited?? Smtg that helped me sunday 2 wks ago was dose myself in self care and i plan to do it again on sunday avo. Go for a walk, somewhere nice like greystones, dalkey, howth, have a coffee date with yourself, maybe a nice book, a treat of some sort that gives u credit for all this work u are doing, a dvd, a nice dinner, just time to u to take photos to get distracted. I felt like a new person, like i was treated liek a princess at the end of the night..

 

SMtg i have to remember is patience, this IS a process, it will take time but we always have a choice,

Love Cara xx

what can i do about it

Submitted on March 2nd, 2010

Firstly can i say, i totally understand where you are at, i think everyone here can. What i used to find helpful was to set out small, manageable goals for myself, things like thinking positively, stopping analysising, eating a good breakfast ... and then feeling positive about achieving them. You can do it, and repeat this, and remeber watch out for the mindgames. Also do a little collage, or write about all the things you want in freedom, thats always a great one.
You are safe, and you can do it,
and remember- build up the metabolic rate.
emerh
ow and always ask-what can i do about this?

thank u

Submitted on March 2nd, 2010

thank you both so much u have no idea how much it means to me to know others feel the same way sometimes

I can completely resonate

Submitted on March 2nd, 2010

Hi,

Your post is a mirror image of how I was feeling over the weekend. I can relate to what your are saying....I kept thinking to myself 'I know what I should be doing wo why the hell can't I...Y can't I practice what I preach....what is stopping me from doing the right thing, Why can't I let the ED go'

My therapist gave me some helpful advice...
- change the way I was talking to myself. Instead of saying 'i should be doing this' say 'I could be doing this instead, but maybe it's too difficult at the moment, but I will keep trying'

- Baby steps...if we could suddenly put everything into practice we would be recovered super fast!!

- Positive thinking. I know this is difficult, and I find it hard to do most of the time but with practice we get better...try to focus on the positives and what we have achieved so far. For me that is something as simple as thinking 'well done, you put a few more nuts into your breakfast', or 'great you didn't get your clothes ready for work the night before'....I am super rigid and organised in my thinking!!

- Patience is also something I am starting to learn. Recovery is like a jigsaw. Each day we slot another piece onto the puzzle, and then someday it all comes together. This is a process that takes time, unfortunately there is no magical wand....I WISH!

Expressing your feelings, not hiding and denying is GREAT so you should be really PROUD of yourself for that. Hope this helps in some small way.

Erika x x x

wow

Submitted on March 2nd, 2010

wow i had to double check there to see if I had written that even though i knew i hadn't but i have spent the last two three days exactly like that, apathetic that's the word i've been grappling for, i don't feel destructive - no not at all I don't even remember the last time I used behaviours and yet I didn't feel positive either just as you said apathetic. I took the day off from college today to gain some perspective, had a great sleep, had lunch with my parents and did a few of my favourite things, while I'm not doing cartwheels through stephen's green in exhaltation - I do realise that perspective and reality are miles miles better than the negative reality the condition creates, maybe ask yourself what it is you are thinking can you actually prove that it is true and talk to someone really close to you about it, cry and hug. X x x you will be fine love Joy

I totally understand

Submitted on May 14th, 2010

Hi there

I totally understand where you are coming from.  I agree with everyone who has responded.  Set the small goals and do something nice for yourself my session always end with me telling him what I am going to do nice for me this week.   So paint your nails have a home spa just do something for you.

sunflower