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New things, transformation and hope

At the weekend I stayed over in Dublin in the IFSC quarter. Until recently I thought I had more or less seen all that Dublin had to offer- how wrong I was.The area where I stayed was formerly a grey and unexciting docklands area  but has been transformed. I visited an area close to the Grand Canal dock formerly known as 'Misery Hill' where  condemned prisoners were  held and punished. It is  now  a vibrant place of great beauty. I spent some time there early on Sunday morning and soaked in the atmosphere of a new experience.Don't just take my word for it - try it.

Before I had limited my thinking and was missing out in a new and vibrant experience which was out there -all I had to do was have the curiousity and courage to look for it. There is a parallel with recovery - we all need some 'docklands' thinking. There is so much more to life than the prison of  the condition and life can be transformed.Unlike the prisioners on 'Misery Hill' we have the keys in our possession to escape to the freedom which recovery brings. Start planning your escape

 

Comments

Awareness of how we need the courage against the condition

Submitted on July 7th, 2010

Hi everyone,

I didn't see the initial post that R replied to but I thought I'd add in my 2 cents!!

I was a year going to therapy before I went to Australia.  I was aware that I wasn't recovered.

When I arrived at the ashram, for the first few days I kept on crying for no reason and feeling very shy around everyone.  The ashram master warned me that if I don't get myself together, I've have to leave to leave the ashram.  He explained that I've spent enough time with the worthlessness self-talk and that there is no more time for it- it simply will never work for me and that when I have the negative self-talk, I'm draining the energy of others too.  Since then, I have had more or less no negative self-talk and if I do, it is shooed away pretty quickly.  

I think that shows that yes we know that it is difficult, but yes we CAN shoo away the condition more forcefully.  There is no "try", there is no "battle"; the condition simply has got to F... O..!!!!  It's that simple yet that difficult.  We've GOT to find the COURAGE and get out of our comfort zone in order to beat the condition.  It takes alot of courage and strength but it's got to be done.

I'm glad that this discussion has rustled a few feathers.  We all know that the Icebergers are trying their best at recovery, but sometimes we are not aware of how strong the condition has hold of us.

Lots of love my dear Freedom Fighters,

Princess C 

reply to R

Submitted on July 6th, 2010

Hello again R, and thank you for your post. I must admit, I feel a bit like a child having been given out to. I'm still along way from recovered but am under no illusion that the answers are within me. I am at an angry and disillusioned stage right now, but in a way am glad of this. I see it as progress. I was more than 30years hiding in the condition, totally numb and emotionless, smiled at the world and nothing was a problem on the surface, head down, worked hard, never complained or acknowledged even to myself ,the utter horror my existence.

So now, I'm finally facing up to it and I've been flooded with emotions, I challenge my behaviours in a small way and am engulfed, and unfortunately so far its all the negative emotions that are coming. So now I am experiencing a lifetime of anger, frustration, despair and whole lot more that I have stored up I guess. I feels wretched, but finally I am feeling. So its progress. I worried I would never get to this point, so I embrace it in a way, but its bloody awful. But no way funnily enough to I want to go back to numb, thats scares me even more!

It just sets me off I think, when recovery is described in simple terms and it may well be very simple, but I think thats only something you can say when you've reached it . In a way, just like child birth, once you have the child you forget the pain of the labour. For me, its frustrating when I'm paralysed by the condition to read how simple others say it is to recover. Anyway either way, all I can do is keep trying things and keep my eye on what I want to achieve in this process.

Thanks again and keep posting

s

Hi S, and everyone else on

Submitted on July 6th, 2010

Hi S, and everyone else on this thread.

I just want to say I have really enjoyed seeing this discussion unfold.

I can appreciate the frustration of being told that you hold the keys to your own recovery but I agree whole heartedly that this is the case.

A huge aspect of recovery is about no longer being afraid to be ourselves.  If I could use one word to describe being recovered I would say it feels 'natural'.   I'm no longer trying to please the world, I'm not trying to be the same as my friends, I'm not wasting my time over-analysing every little thing or second-guessing every one around me.  Life feels natural now because I'm just being me and living my life in a way that I find interesting, enjoyable and rewarding.

When it was said that you hold the key inside, it's so true - because you are the only person who really knows who you are - and I mean really in truly.  No matter how much we talk about ourselves or explain our thoughts to others, no one else can actually see inside your head.  So only you know what you really like, enjoy, find funny, dislike, dread and what you are indifferent. to  And for that reason, among others, only you can discover who you really are.

It's a safe choice not to be you but what contribution are you making to the world, to your family and to yourself if you don't live up to your potential.  Where would we be if those guys who invented in the Internet decided to stay in bed instead - not on Iceberg that's for sure wink

As is written in the kitchen of the Marino Therapy Centre ... A Ship is safe in the harbour, but that's not what ships are for [William Shedd].

Thanks for really engaging in this discussion, can't tell you how interesting I found it.  Good conversation!

All the best,

Iceberg Moderator

Hi S, Like R, I too am

Submitted on July 6th, 2010

Hi S,

Like R, I too am recovered.  During my recovery there came a point where I realised that I had the key all along to unlock the self-imposed cage.  However even when I first became aware that I had the key, I didn't always know how to find it.  To me, the planning the escape part in the OP, is to do with the nitty gritty part of recovery - discoverying new tools, and figuring out what did or did not work, for me individually.  I can appreciate that you find such parallels to be too simplistic, however one day you too, will be able to look back and realise that the answers and with that they key, lay within you all along.  You may not believe that at this current moment, however let those who have recovered be the proof that it is possible, and if it is possible for others, it can also be possible for you too.  Never give up hope, that you too can taste this freedom.

LnL,

O

reply to New things , Transformation and Hope

Submitted on July 5th, 2010

I don't mean to be rude and perhaps condition thinking is at play, but is all that not a bit corny!! I mean its all very well to make comparisons between one and the other, but speaking as one still in the prison of condition , its a bit insulting and simplistic to say , "you have the keys, plan your escape".

 Do you really believe, those of us in condition would choose to stay if we could see the keys, knew how to use them or were brave enough.  It's more like being in prison but in total darkness , cannot see the keys even if right in front of us. Or even if the keys are in my hand, the feeling is that right outside the prison cell is a pack of wild dogs salivating and waiting to eat me alive.

And in my case that feeling is very real, real to me, my reality. And all the nice parallels in the world won't make it any more appealing a venture. Every time thus far I've tried to open the gate, I've suffered such  a beating by the condition, you'd be forgiven for retreating back. There's only so much a girl can take.

So I suppose what I'm saying is that it's extremely difficult from where I stand right now and as you're post is directed at loved ones, I don't want them to think its a simple as you make out. Simple perhaps from a non sufferers vantage  but a whole other story when entrenched.  There's none of us in condition due to lack of courage, strength or intelligence, in fact most of us are survivers and fighters with a mammoth tack on our hands.

I know Marie says , watch the lingo and not to talk myself into recovery being unachievable and thats not really what I'm saying. But ED is very powerful and it takes a lot of work , patience and help for all parties involved. I'm well aware that there is a world of vibrant experiences out there that condition is depriving me of, intellectually I know there is know reason why I don't deserve those same experiences, but it's on a much deeper level the problem arises.  It adds to my frustration when I read glib parallels, it so underestimates the difficulty I am having despite bucketloads of effort and numerous diappointments. s

You have the keys, plan your escape...

Submitted on July 5th, 2010
Hello my dear S...
 
I see that you are finding it really challenging on your journey to recovery and there is a lot of anger.
I have been there, I have had many years living in the condition and many more years of walking the journey to recovey. I have been a sufferer, for a long long time... I have complained and played the victim role, the real sufferer, blinded myself with the absolute powerless feeling of not being able to get out of the prison of ed...
 
But at some stage on my journey I have realised that...
- nobody could do recovery for me
- that I ALONE HELD THE KEY to my own freedom
- that I, in fact, had had the KEY to open my way to freedom from the condition, I had had this very KEY all along, I just hadn't known...
 
One day, S, you, too, will look back and say, Yep, dear me, there it is, I actually have the key here, I just didn't know that it was a key and how it worked, but now I know and I will use it...
 
Dear S, one piece of the key is the power of the language and how you use it and how much power you give to negativity with your language. You form words, words are a key, you have the capacity to think, to speak, to write...and with this you also have responsibilities...
 
I have been on recovered and I do not think this is one bit corney, it is actually very true, it is a STORY OF HOPE, and HOPE is incredibly important for recovery, not only for sufferers but also for there loved ones. The condition, ED, is a condition that affects not only one single person, it is important to see that loved ones are also suffering, in a different way, sure, but thay don't have it easy. And I think, therefore, it is important for everybody to be reassured and NEVER LOSE HOPE, as recovery is possible and it is for everybody.
I also think it is not good to assume that there are fronts like "those of us in condition" and those not in condition... because I used to live with this demon ed and have fully recovered now, so I'd belong to both fronts, thats a bit silly I think...
 
I can understand you fear, but maybe you can better use all this angry energy and transform it into anger against the condition and use it to further your recovery. You know you can do it, you are putting in some work, you are on the journey, you see youself as survivor and fighter...so fight the condition not the beauty of recovered living that is awaiting you...
In a way I am glad to see your determination, that you want to fight and thus haven't given up hope...
...but believe me...it is much simpler than you think...the condition loves to complicate things, but simplicity is another part of the key!!!
KEEP IT SIMPLE...
 
Love and peace...
xxx Robin xxx

~~ "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...it became a butterfly..." ~~