NO FEAR IS NOT LIVING

Hi lovelies,
I’ve been away in NYC for the last week and have been deprived of my daily ICEBERG enlightenment so have bin catching up for hours now on all the wonderful inspiration and wisdom it provides. (Take it personally- you are all AMAZING!)

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one”. I came across this quote earlier and really really relate to it. Life is not a dress rehearsal, If we spend it trying to make sure that everything goes perfectly to plan, then we miss the real deal!

Over the last year I have become accustomed to the more “normal” way of life” the real deal” a reality that is so far removed from that of the many years previous. While it’s not quite the reality I imagined it would be when I reached full freedom (the illusion of a life full of rainbows, butterflies,exciting frolics through the meadows, approval in abundance, and a whole host of other fairy tale story lines :o)) the emotions and feelings are somewhat similar to those I forecasted. I am content, I am aware, I am comfortable; I have no doubt in my copability (coping-ability!) and for the first time in my life I am in no way afraid of myself.
I don’t wake up and anticipate the level of insanity I will reach during the day. I don’t wake up and calculate all the ways I may appear foolish, I don’t wonder how many people will look at me as I walk down the street and wonder where the “ugly tree” I fell out of was. I don’t imagine evidence to suggest that I am worthy of self-destruction.

Since fully recovering and dropping all the barriers that I put up between myself and life, I have discovered all the possibilities and opportunities that it has to offer. On reading a fabulous post from Michelle I remembered just how important it is to always bear in mind that where there is fear, there is opportunity. The last few months has seen many challenges come my way, and decisions to be made. But for the first time they were not all-consuming. They were and are part of my life, but they are not MY LIFE. Wouldn’t life be awful boring if nothing ever challenged us. If we never had an opportunity to grow, to learn, to blossom? The future need not be scary when we trust our present strength, the opportunity to water it and gain more in the future instead of looking at our perceived “failures” or weaknesses of the past. I for one have recently found great comfort in the belief that I was meant to go through a very painful time in my life. As strange as that may sound, I honestly believe that I have become the person that I am meant to be, and very much WANT to be. When you think about it, if there were never any darkness, we would never know the amazing gift that is light! So while I woulda loved to have seen it a wee bit quicker, the last many years were what they were and ruminating on them will get me nowhere. I choose instead to see the benefits of my experience, and my god there are gazillions of them! We are lucky, whether you can realise it now or not, we have been blessed with an amazing opportunity. We must CHOOSE to see it this way, and then find out how to use it as beneficial, rather than destructive, for positive rather than negative, for the greater good rather than the self-destruction.

Recovery has brought me so many wonderful inner tools and resources that at first instance served to help me step out of condition. And as I made the transition from condition to recovery they helped me to step into life. As I engage more and more with life I have many dreams, many hopes, many aspirations…..luckily I also have the inner tools and resources to bring me steps closer to reaching them. These resources and mechanisms we develop we may think are purley for “making us get better” in early stages but they are actually TIMELESS and INVALUABLE and can be called upon whenever, wherever and for whatever reason. Recovery really really really is an INVESTEMENT for life!

I don’t need rainbows when I have my dreams.
I don’t need butterflies when I have my imagination.
I don’t need meadows when I have so much other daily exciting things to do rather than frolick aimlessly!
I don’t need approval when I have motivation.

Even recovered, I still get nervous, I still have inhibitions. But I also have and endless flow of HOPE, BELIEF and TRUST in myself, in the future and in life that I can call upon when needed. I allow myself to make mistakes because I’m fascinated by the learning that can be gained from them. They don’t make me an idiot, a fool, a creature worthy of brutality. They make me human!

Years and years ago a guy told me (and I absolutely did not appreciate it at the time) “What’s meant for you won’t pass you by”. I don’t even talk to the guy anymore but his words ring through me head on an almost daily basis.

So lovelies, maybe try not live life in pursuit of a fearless and perfect existence…..wheres the excitement, wonder, growth, learning and opportunities in that? Accept that fears come and go, but counteract them with trust and belief. Strive for all your dreams, safe in the knowledge that “Whats meant for me wont pass me by”

Recovery is for everyone, that is one thing you defo don’t have to fear. If I and so many others can get there, then so can you. Yes it’s different to the reality of living in condition, but really that’s not living at all!!! Life is an adventure, and we really can embrace and appreciate that fact when we KNOW that we CAN COPE and trust the process not only of recovery but also of life!
Wishing you all so much hope, belief and trust.

XX Saoirse XX