Reply to Ellen

Hi Ellen,

I read your post and I think back on my own recovery and I thought, wow, did I have the awareness she has at that time in my life?? Fair play to you to write that post and voice how you feel even if you are frustrated and confused, I probably would have ignored it, or not heard it in the first place.. I cant believe your so aware of your thinking and can connect it, even if its short.. It really awes me.. I know what it is like to be impatient in recovery, I think we all do and when I realized that everyone felt this, in some way it realeased me because I didnt feel so alone. Its good your impatient, I know it hurts and its confusting and a lonely place, but in time it will all make sense, its just a phase you gotta go through. Just hold on to the fact that impatience is felt by all and time as they say, is a healer. Also what helped me was to sit down and make a list of what I have achieved so far, I started with little things, and when I saw I had made a few changes, even if small, it helped. Its frustrating and annoying and dishearting I know, you want and deserve more and why not now, now.. But then I always think of the rose, that takes time to grow, it takes water, food, shelter, love and time, time..... And in time it grows and grows and becomes more beautiful.

I always believe that things are meant to be. I trust my body, believe me I have had some injuries in recovery but on reflection it all happened for a reason and I see that I needed them to literally stop me in my tracks. Your body will never leave you down when you trust it. Also after many years I have decided to look after my back, unfortunately thorugh injury, work etc it needs help but it happend for a reason and I believe now I am trusting my body to heal itself with help of course. I firmly believe in my own body, it has never let me down, no matter what. I appauld you for saying you want to look after your back, it actually made me cry cause I felt a tad jealous that you wanted to look after it, I dont think I ever cared enough or had the courage to do so.. You have inspired me, honestly.

I have also had to learn, that everyones recovery is differnet, but when times were real low I really did hold on to people in group, care workers, to see the proof, kept me going. I held on to the fact that others felt it too, and if they got passed it, so would I and I did.... So you will too...

Also, every day I say to myself "My body has the ability to heal itself...." I believe and trust that now I am freer.

Thanks for sharing.
Heather