Learning From Group - Self Care

I was in group last night after missing it for a couple of weeks and very glad I went. I had considered not bothering going at all. It had been a very busy week or two with work and I'd had a bit of a blow up with my brothers at basketball on monday night and was tired and emotionally drained and I thought 'what I really need now is just to take it easy tonight' but yet there was the little voice in my head saying - 'go to group and re-energise your recovery' (due to being away I missed about a week of writing in my journal, looking at Iceberg, looking after myself etc. and had fallen back on many of my old habits) and in the end I went. I was reminded all over again how valuable you all are with your hints and tips and the way group can make me feel like I'm not alone in this journey. In fact I continue to be amazed at the strength, bravery and honesty of so many of you in the group - the way you can recognise and share your thoughts and feelings so that you are such an inspiration, when I'm only starting to recognise I ACTUALLY HAVE FEELINGS! Anyway getting back to the point: The core subject of the group discussion was self-care and of course that is exactly what I need to be thinking about.

I suppose I avoid self-care because it makes me face up to uncomfortable thoughts, and for so long I avoided any introspective thought at all but particularly uncomfortable thoughts because i figured if I didn't acknowlage them, well then they weren't there, but of course they were there, in the background quietly eroding my self-confidence and my lack of dealing with them continually causing my destructive behaviours of turning to food as a coping mechanism for every little problem in my life.

Self care previously had many negative meanings for me - I viewed the ED as self care, permitting myself the escapism from stress and tiredness and dissatisfaction by pushing down these emotions with food rather than dealing with the real problems. Then of course I viewed self care as selfish and time wasting (a common belief among us ED sufferers I think), and was so afraid that quietness and self care allowed me time to think - which was to be avoided at all costs!

Now I'm beginning to realise that it is good to practise self care, care for my body which is a gift I'm happy to have despite my various dissatisfactions with it. Self care is time for rest, time for quietly enjoying my own company or time with my husband or good friends, time to allow myself examine my thoughts and come to terms with how I really feel about myself and life and work out a healthier, happier way to be me.

(as I'm reading over this the tagline of the Bulmers ad popped into my head and I had a little grin at myself - Bulmers: Time Dedicated To You! :-D )

Self care is making the most of what you do have, rather than focusing on what you wish were different. Self care is learning to listen when your body tells you when it needs food or that you've had enough, when you need rest or exercise, when you need other people or just to be quiet for a while.

Self care is admitting that there are many things in my life to be thankful for and looking after my physical and emotional needs as well as doing everything I can to feel better about myself.

Self care is about learning to stop chasing life and quit trying so hard to be busy all the time, allowing myself to be in the moment and trusting that there is enough time for everything I want to do and everything I want to be if only I can just relax and let it happen.

I really liked the idea of writing the self care tips to the little child on the cards we picked out - knowing that this is really your inner child who needs your love and protection rather than punishment and abuse.

Thanks for all your support in group and through your posts - it's made all the difference!

Take Care,
Donna