Changes in Friendship

I was delighted with the recent post about friendships changing as we go on with recovery. Sometimes I'd be in a pub thinking "Hey... this just isn't me any more!". Being the drunkest, with the most makeup on and most sociable on a night out just isn't genuinely fun any more. I no longer feel the need to try and mask my shyness with alcohol. I love writing, going for walks and chatting in a conversation that is not false and not having to shout over blaring music... So I feel a bit more "at home" with creative friends who are into art, theatre, music or have big ambitions in this world. Of course my friends have been amazing to me all these years and I am not "ditching" them or anything! I'm just always open to meeting new friends.

Funnily enough, durng my "mad" phase, I always had friends who didn't go out as much as I did and liked to have chats over tea or watch a DVD etc... I just didn't "see" them when I was so convinced that everybody gets twisted drunk a few nights a week.

It's amazing how much I've changed I suppose. About 4 years ago, a so-called friend decided to disown me because of my condition. At the time it was awful for me as we used to go everywhere together and thought we were best friends. I had the choice: 1. Moan and whine and keep going on about how terrible she is and keep texting her saying sorry (I admit that I did this for a while though!). Option 2: I knew that I deserved to be treated well by my friends so ended up making loads and loads and loads of lovely friends who I am still very close to today. The first girl spread rumours about me and at first my new friends felt uneasy about me because of what she said. I knew that deep in my heart that if I stayed true to myself, my friends would not believe the rumours after a while. These people are still my best friends today.

Eventually the girl ended up having arguments with other people and she found out that even her boyfriend had been seeing someone else. Oh actually she did talk to me again... the night before exams she texted me looking for help!

I am still learning to forgive her and be compassionate... I can't judge her for how she acted I suppose. I read recently that anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to get sick... that's what it was like for me when I couldn't let her go! I no longer go over and over in my head about how mean she was to me, but I'd rather cherish the good fun we had together, draw a line under it and wish her well.

It's always good to stay true to ourself... friendships do indeed shift and change as we go on our journey of recovery. That's OK and is natural! We will attract new friends who are suitable for us at this time. But again I am happy to hear that someone else feels the same about Saturday nights not feeling the same any more... sometimes I feel a bit weird wanting to look for new friends. But we're not "them". I am me :-)

~

Carol