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Friends

The workshop on Saturday was amazing on relationships and communication. `it has really got me thinking about friends, those who are in my life now, those who i no longer have much in common with and those new friendships i have made that are in actual fact the ones that I cherish the most. I have heard so often that friendships change in recovery and there will be some people i will have to and want to let go of.

I feel that i am at that stage now. After the weekend gone I have had huge realizations of those I dont want or need in my life on certain levels. I am working on the relationships I do want and just really trying to figure out who is Cara, who do i feel comfortable with, what are my values, what do i like/want in another person, in a night out or in a night in with friends. I learnt through ways on saturday night that I dont want to have learned through that the people I have been hanging onto friendships with because they are old, or i went to school with them or i feel i should are the ones that are quite toxic for me at the moment. This night i was shattered after the workshop but had agreed with school friends to a night together, one i have known since i was 3. I felt in there company uncomfortable, awkward, out of place and pressurized. Not by them but by how i felt about what i stand for now and how my values have changed. I realised I have left all that madness behind and i dont want that life anymore. I felt vulnerable, not good enough and ED was screaming at me.

On Sunday I thought about the evening all day and i thought about recovery and the genuine amazing friends and people i have met in the last few years, what they do is there business but i dont want to be a part of it anymore, these will be for me friends i will meet on my terms rather than go to situations i feel unsafe in. I went to yoga on sunday morning and to the food markets with some of the girls from class, i had fun, lots giggles and great chats, I came away walking on air as i realised i felt comfortable and that this is who i am, no pretences and that its ok to be who i am with whoever i meet.

I have met new friends in the last 3 years that have become so real and important to me, these are the one's I want to focus on, not the one's I no are not right for me any longer. Its nothing against those girls, they are wonderful people but its me who has changed and wants to keep evolving.
Relationships are so important but more important is the one you have with yourself,
Thanks to all for the amazing posts I love this site,

Cara xx

Comments

Same situation

Submitted on September 29th, 2009

Unlike alot of my friends, going to a pub and club is not the highlight of my week, it's just not "me" any more. I guess it was never "me" either and that's why I would get so drunk as I felt so uneasy. I usually just meet them for coffee and let them go out as much as they want! I respect that that's what they want to do. I attract very different friends these days who are a bit deeper; into spirituality, creative, like going for walks up the beach etc.

I do have a toxic friend. We used to be joined at the hip since primary school but things just don't feel the same when we meet up any more- we're just very different people now. She can get very angry if I go out with other people etc but it helped me that you wrote that you realised that you were were hanging on to friendships just because they were old. It is indeed natural to want to move on if friendships feel different than primary school(it was a long time ago!)- nothing to feel guilty about! I met her at a different stage of my life when I was painfully shy and probably clingy to friends too.

Take care,

C