Giving to the World

I work as a nurse and over the years I have worked in a variety of areas, but I predominently work with those who have learning difficulties or those in the last stages of their life (pallitive care). I have volunteered in numerous organizations with children, adults, animals etc etc. I worked hard, I went to college,did numerous courses and classes, I did voluntary work, I had a PHD in cleaning and a masters in doing, and it still didnt seem enough. It seemed no matter what I did, I couldnt seem to justify my existence. I needed permission, from who I dont know,to be here, to take up my place in the world. God I was lazy, I did nothing, what use am I to society. I did everything and still nothing.

BUT........

One day, I cant say when or how, but I began to realize that, I didnt have to do as much, I didnt have to be doing all the time, that just by being here was in itself a contribution to society. I had as much right to be here as much as anyone else. Now, this didnt come easily, the thought came and went, came and went but it kept coming back and last longer and longer until I realized one day that I know longer felt that inward pressure to keep doing, that inward feeling you think you have that your just not bloody good enough and "should" be doing more. Through recovery, time, ups and downs I learnt and more importantly lived. I now realize that by being myself, by listening to myself, by being an example is how I contribute to society.

Gradually I began to appreciate life and appreciate others and myself. I still stop, I take each day and I look at all the things in my day, how I contriubute to the world. You dont have to be saving the planet. By making myself aware of what I was doing each day gave me a sense of belonging in the world and almost self ego boost. Little things can make a huge difference. Here are some of the things I do on a daily basis which I took for granted, which I probably stopped doing for a while but which I know do, and this really helped me to realize how I can be part of this world, how I can contriubute to society and how I can be an example.

- Saying thank you to the bus driver even if he doesnt acknowlege, who cares, I feel better for it.

- By holding the door open for the next person coming in behind me.

- By saying thank you and please.

- By giving way to pedestrains crossing the road.

- By ringing my friend and letting her know I care.

- By praising someone for doing something nice if you believe it.

Every day I do something, no matter how small it is. I would have dismissed all these things in the past but no, they are important. There are so many ways you can reach and touch people without saving the planet.

Even in my job, I am now happy because I realized that, yes I am important, I have a place here. I work well, I am confident in my skills but I am human and I am not perfect. I enjoy my work because I began to look around and see what I did, even if it was just holding someones hand. Everyone contributes. By saying thanks and please to people, by becoming aware of you saying it. I want nothing back, but secretly you get something back, you get a sense of fullfillment with yourself and you know you have every right to be there even if you sat on your arse all day, you have that right too....

It takes time, just know it comes about, with time, with recovery....

Your worth is already there, just find it for yourself.. With recovery and time, you will...

Namaste
Heather