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exercise torment
Am desperate, want desperately to break free yet something holds me back, fear I guess, fear of the unknown, fear of success even! What will I be without the eating disorder, will I like myself? I fear not right now, I base everything around having satisfied the demands of the ED, and I mean everything.
Why do I do this to myself. What is it going to take for me to get courage to square up to its demands and do what my body is screaming for, rest , nutrients, Oh I wish.
Anyone out there been there, what helped break the cycle, where did you start? I have been given all the advice, I have the support, but am paralysed. Any deviation from the current pattern causes terrible turmoil.
I would appreciate any tips!!
S
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all or nothing
i am finding this aspect of recovery so difficult at the moment so have been looking at old posts thank u all for ur help. i have decided for myself right now i cant get the balance even yoga has become something i must do
i am going to give my poor poor neglected damaged body time to re build and recover perhaps others can do some exercise but for me right now i feel i cannot get balance so i am going to stop i feel lazy and i know that some is good but 30 mins turns into 40 i wish 1 other person had stopped completely just to know its ok but i feel in my soul this is best for me right now
i wud love to know if any 1 else stopped completely im scared but gonna do it anyway
xxsx
thank u all
repeated theory becomes fact!
not the only one...
Very well done, s, this is a big but vital step. Plenty of credit to you for taking this step and realising that, in order to heal, your body requires complete rest.
Just rest assured that, for this moment in time this is the most important thing for you to do to. And this move is breaking the cycle. You will realise that nothing will happen, except your bloods will get better, your energy levels will change, your concentration will increase, you will have much more energy to smile and to actively fight the condition.
What you also can realise is that "lazy" is not a feeling, just as little as "fat" is a feeling.
"Lazy" has become a strange kind of value in society nowadays, attached to the obsessive exercising and fitness business in a way that it is supposed to evoke guilt in people that do not fall into that exercising trap.
You can delete this word from your dictionary for now, until you are able to give it a more positive connotation.
I love your determination -"im scared but gonna do it anyway"- and the way you begin to do what's right for s, not for the condition -"but i feel in my soul this is best for me right now"-
Well well done, s. Oh, and no, you are not the only one that had to stop exercising completely. It will get better, trust your body...
Love,
xxx Robin xxx
~~ "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...it became a butterfly..." ~~
During my own recovery I took
During my own recovery I took up other forms of exercise - dance, and then yoga after I had recovered. Neither of these felt like exercise to me (even though there was still an element of physicality attached to them). A couple of years ago my hands were tied and I had to for my own health give up the dancing for a period of time - having only returned to it again last month. I gave it up following problems with my back, having developed sciatica in my back, and felt I needed to find a complementary way of helping it, rather than being given valium by my gp (I am allergic to anti-inflammotory medication, so unfortunately this was the only alternative). It was at this time I discovered a fab yoga instructor, which has sorted out my back - have had mini flare-up, but has been 18 months since the last major ones, and 1 of the flare-ups was short lived, as knew I just needed to do some cord cutting from someone. Mostly I might get the odd twinge or two, and can really tell the difference if I don't keep up with the yoga practice. I know you asked if anyone had given up completely, but seeing as yoga for me never had the same negative connection that exercise would have done in the past, it is a different association for me. I have recently returned to different forms of exercise which I would have given up during recovery, and it feels empowering to be able to partake in them whilst being able to listen to my own body and it's limitations.
I would say that it would be important to discuss this with your therapist. I found creativity - glass painting etc helped me a lot in the earlier stages of my own journey - looking and exploring interests can be a great way to learn more about you as well :). Best of luck on this new path :).
In love and light,
Mystique
THANK U
thank u both so much i truly appreciate u taking the time to reply it really makes me feel less alone i wish knowing was as easy a sdoing but thats always the case. i really appreciate it and ur replys are not in vain i am listening to each word and letting it sink into my heart
repeated theory becomes fact!
HI S, I have not been on
HI S,
I have not been on iceberg in some time and was reading some of the posts and I came across yours. I know its been some time since your post and I really do hope that things are getting better for you.
I completely undersatand how you feel, excercise for me was so hard to let go, it had such a hold of me that I thought I would never be able to let it go. However, having excercised excessivley for a long time, sometimes numerous times a day, sometimes with very little sleep, sometimes when it hurt, I no longer even think about excercise.
Although I still have some way to go in my recovery it no longer controls me and it feels so good. It took a lot of courage to let it go and and face my fears that I would 'baloon', 'loose control of myself', become 'huge'. Infact having not excercised in three months none of this has happened and I am a lot happier now than when my day revolved around excercise.
Today, I have much more clarity on my thoughts, cause excercise no longer takes up all my thoughts. I have more time to spend with my friends and family and much more time to spend with me.
I used to say to myself 'How much longer can I keep this up?' How much longer can I fight the the need to burn off calories?' There has to be more to life than running, waliking, cycling? And beleive me there is. Just beleive in yourself and trust yourself, it works.
I hope this helps,
Louise x x
Love this Louise thank you!
Love this Louise thank you!
repeated theory becomes fact!
I know the feeling. I used
I know the feeling. I used to be stuck in a trap of having to "burn off" extra food, but it is impossible to do so. We only need about 30 mins of moderate exercise to keep our hearts healthy. What helped me is developing trust in our bodies. Trust that our amazing bodies know how to metabolize our food perfectly. All you can do for now is focus on your meal plan given by the nutritionist. Perhaps listen to a relaxation CD when you feel like doing exercise.
trusting my body
Thank you for your response. It helpd to know others have had the experience. Trusting my body is a problem right now for me. I am terrified of losing the run of myself re food. I have always been restricting or re feeding and never reached the happy medium of following my own appetite and I am afraid of it.
Maybe I should take more risks and trust that I will be okay. If others can, why not me?
Thanks again.
Hi S totally relate, the
Hi S totally relate, the strongest and hardest behaviour for me to fight still is the exercise or movement, i can use it as an excuse ah sure its healthy!!
What helped me in the past was to look at it as a behaviour and the condition manifesting itself. Now i am still very addicted to it but nothing like a year ago or when in early 20s. Movement is important maybe write a bit about exercise what does it give you.
This morn i am bulling to go for a walk but i can distinguish it as condition so thats why i opened iceberg and am going to do some writing instead. I also got paint by numbers and have started it as it gives me something concentrate and the negavtive voice is not as loud. Try find other things to do, the more i fill my life with things like friends, family, cinema, fun things the less i have that urge to fit it all in.
A huge thing that happened for me and i hope doesnt happen to you was breaking my toe. I was on crutches for 3 and half months and took over 4 months as opposed to normal 6 wks to heel. Its still not right, the amount of injuries i have had has just shown me the pain and destruction and its a cycle that will only stop once we try to stop it, its a challenge i know but the more i say no the stronger i actually feel.
Finally my therapist and nutritionist told me to break it down and ask logically every time i want to exercise even if just 30 minutes what is this actually going to do to my body, is it really going to change me in a huge way. Ask it just before u get that massive urge, one day at a time, i am still trying but i wont givep, i hope this helps and u dont give up too.
Yoga is a beautiful way i have found to move but be in connection, rather than the regimental soul and body destroying tactics
Love Cara xx
reply to cara
Hi Cara
Thanks for the tips, you're right I know, many times I exercise and its just to clock up the required time as opposed to actually benefitting me in any way. I will try to question myself more, is this ED slavery or true body care. Its tough though. Right now I am sore from exercise and know I will have to do it all again if I listen to its demands. I wish I could find something to comfort me like it does on an emotional level, or maybe this is a delusion, maybe I could dig deeper into my own resources.
No more exercise today and maybe something therapeutic like scented creams tonight!
I want to cry with relief that people hear me and respond
Thanks again.
S