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RE: I'm all over the place

Oh honey I know exactly how you feel. I felt like that too and i can tell you it does feel horrible.

But this is a different stage of recovery ... you are coming out of denial and starting to discover who the real you ... it is an amazing step forward. It is great that you are confronting your emotions rather than running away, denying them or numbing them.

It is great that you are experiencing that the condition never gives you any real answers it just covers over the "problems" the real...

Recovery does require a lot of curiosity ... it is like getting to know a new friend, finding out what their interests are, what their heart is, what their dreams are, who they are essentially.

It is confusing... but it will get better.. go with what will feel good long-term...use logic.. i always found that helped me figure out what i really wanted, questions like "why would I want to go to this shop when I really don't need to buy anything?" "do I really want to buy this food I have an insane urge to purchase when it has always made me feel like crap?" "do I really want to be on my own - who are these decisions serving...

There is a lot of grief in recovery - it is really just about facing the emotions you have been denying during your time in the condition ... it can feel good thou, cathartic and emotions eventually tire themselves out..

When you start to really get to know yourself ... you will get good at making decisions that serve you and you won't feel so lonely and so confused...

this stage only lasts a certain amount of time so don't let it set you back - it can be fun...

every single person wants something because they beleive they will feel better in having it
it's great that you are asking questions like: DO I really want a boyf? Or do I just have certain emotional needs that can be met without a boyf?

everything you desire is to serve some purpose - by asking question you get to the core of what you are really looking for ... it sounds like you want connection, company and to feel loved.... so start finding ways to give these to yourself..

Give yourself love... discover who you are... give yourself attention.... tend to your needs.... recovery is about connecting to who you really are, choosing self-love -- so maybe what you are really saying is that you want everything recovery has to offer....

when you have accepted the conditions world for so long ---- it is shocking to realise that maybe that wasn't ever what you wanted, that you were being controlled by this illness, you start to hear the "condition talking in your head" and you wonder which thoughts belong truly to you.... this is fantastic and as with anything you will get better at it and soon it'll be second nature

Recovery is worth the effort -- like you said you want recovery,,,, you are breaking free, untangling yourself from the condition... give yourself tonnes of compassion at this time.. I used to just sit having cups of tea in hotels, take myself for walks around parks and shops and to the cinema, dress myself in nice clothes and say "you're ok Lee.... YOU ARE OK LEE... i love you..." repetition eventually sinks in... be your own best friend and all those things you crave you will find ways of fulfilling ..

you are just craving freedom and the condiiton can no longer give you what you want... connection, love, self-knowledge..

Just because you are hurting doesn't mean you don't deserve to give yourself the love that any other person who is hurting deserves
Lotsa Love honey

Lee x

This too will pass

Comments

lovely hope

Submitted on May 30th, 2010

Wow this really is brilliant. it's every reassurance you would ever want to hear

"Coming out of denial... is an amazing step forward" "you are starting to recover the real you"

oh my lord jesus. thank you. thank you. I do feel a lot of grief right now, but of course it makes sense. if I have been keeping all the emotions for my whole life down, there is obviously a whole lot to release, and now it feel like the tears and the grief are never-ending, but it just means I am feeling again. I am coming alive. not that there is something wrong, but that there is something finally right.

Lee you are a genius. God have you an idea. I have wrote this out several times today with a pen and paper just to really reinforce it . yes the conditoon cannot meet my needs anymore. I am ok

Lx

outstanding

Submitted on May 29th, 2010

This is really an AMAZIING post. For anyone having a bad day I would highly reccommend reading this

I know this website,is self-help, but posts like this are exactly why it helps me as well and exactly why I love it so much

Keep writing Lee. you're my inspiration

Em

Lee, Thank you so much, it's

Submitted on November 15th, 2009

Lee,
Thank you so much, it's funny how helpful it is to just know that what I'm going through is normal! And that other ppl have been at this stage and gone on to break free from ED. Thank you so much, it means a lot :)
Lx